A Note from Nittany about Pittsburghese

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that some of you had a wee bit of difficulty understanding Steely-Eyed’s recent post. Since the Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl bound, Steely-Eyed may have more contributions in the days leading up to the big game. So I thought it best for me to offer an explanation of Steely-Eyed’s manner of speaking and writing.

Steely-Eyed is a descendant of the great gnome tribe of Western Pennsylvania, Yinzus Gnomus. After hundreds of years of mixing with the locals, the Yinzus Gnomus have adopted the local dialect, Pittsburghese. According to the English department at Carnegie Mellon University:

Many people in Pittsburgh and western Pennsylvania think that there is a distinctive dialect of English spoken in this area, which they call "Pittsburghese." When people in this area talk about "Pittsburghese," they often mention words like "yinz," "slippy" and "nebby," sounds like the vowel in "aht" (out) or "dahntahn" (downtown), and expressions like "n’at."

The late, great Steelers announcer Myron Cope was one of the most famous purveyors of Pittsburghese. With the Super Bowl fast approaching, here are some examples of Pittsburghese sports talk.

Here are some common nouns and verbs.

And last but not least, an excellent example of Pittsburghese was left as a comment by Mrs. S's brother on this very blog:

Yoi Steely-Eyed!

After yunz get dun reddin up dahn there, come on dahntahn and i'll buy yinz an arn and a chipped ham hoagie, n'at. Just lemme know when yunz are prolly gonna be here so i can run dahn to the sahside to the jynt igl and get some pop, sketti, n'at. Gotta go, need ta worsh my gutchies.

HERE WE GO STILLERS... N'AT!

That translates to:

Hey, Steely-Eyed!

After you are done cleaning up down there, come on downtown and I'll buy you an iron (likely short for an Iron City Light, a popular local beer) and a ham (chipped ham was invented in Pittsburgh and is a local delicacy) sandwich. Just let me know when you are probably going to be here so I can run down to the Southside (a section of Pittsburgh) to the Giant Eagle (a popular local grocery chain) and get some soda pop, spaghetti, and other stuff. I gotta go, I need to wash my underwear.

I do hope that clears some things up.

More progress pictures

I know, I know. Everybody has been pestering me about posting an update with some pictures. Well here you go. I made three panoramic pictures of the kitchen in various stages of destruction/reconstruction. Click on each picture to see a larger view. Hope you enjoy!

The bare kitchen. All the walls are down, the insulation is out, and the ceiling is down.


The wall and ceiling insulation is back up and the laundry room is framed in.


Progress! All the drywall is in place.

Kitchen drywall update

Well after many requests from my fans (all four of you) I am posting another batch of kitchen remodeling pictures. Today's installment, drywalling the walls. So far everything has gone well. It has taken me a while to get this far as a consequence of my short stature. If you think installing drywall is time consuming for normal people image how hard it is when you are only ten inches tall. Every time I want to add another screw I have to set up a complex scaffolding system that reminds me of skyscraper. If that was not bad enough, Mr. S occasionally flaunts his height by screwing in an entire sheet in 5 minutes! He doesn't even need a ladder! Well enough of my ranting...here are the pictures.

Inside of the new laundry room

Outside of laundry room

Beginning the back wall


Back wall is finished!

Side wall is finished...I've been a busy Gnome!


Removing the old garage door

This is my favorite memory. Mr. S, while trying to help me the other day, accidentally drywalled himself inside the garage. He had been getting on my nerves that day so I didn't feel like letting him out. He does seem kind of helpless and sad in there. He stayed in the garage for hours until, late that night, he realized that there was another door to the kitchen and he escaped his prison.

The old door is completely closed off

1-11-09 Game thoughts from Steely-Eyed

Loving dis old school Stillers football. A running game? Awesome. A touchdown scored by a running back with a fullback escort? Beautiful. Rushing the ball to set up the pass? Incredible. The punt return for a TD wuz nice too.

Ball control offense...that's what I'm talk'n 'bout. The Black n' Gold offense done took eight minutes off the clock to start off the third quarter. What a beaut!

Speechless...an interception after lil' Sproules' big kick off return. Just what the doctor ordered.

Coach Norv looks a wee bit scary on the sideline there.

Benji can even block!

Even da lackluster punter did good with his short punt that bounced off a Bolts' head.

Let da record show, SD only done did run ONE offensive play the entire 3rd quarter.

Woodley is a beast today.

Would've like a TD at da goal line...but can't disagree with Tomlin's call to go for it on 4th and inches.

Yet anudder missed holding call against da man covering Harrison. Unbelievable.

Well alls well dat ends well. Mrs. S should be quite da happy camper for da next week. She's already looking up recipes for stuffed raven.

Big tanks to Nittany for allowing me to guest blog today.

1-11-09 Observations from Steely-Eyed

Hey there, how yinz doin'? To warm up for the Stillers game, I've been watchn' the Igles and the Gints n'at. Dis is what I think I thunk:

* The legendary Terry Bradshaw picked against the Stillers?!? Oh the gnomanity!

* With my suberb gnome lip reading ability, I saw Donovan McNabb say, "I didn't even know that intentional grounding from the endzone could result in a safety."

* So at nearly the end of the second quarter, I must point out that with the score Philadelphia 7, New York 8, provided that both teams only score a field goal, that this game could end in the second 11-10 score in NFL history. Particularly, noteworthy since today's Stillers-Bolts game is the rematch of the first such ending. Well, actually, as yinz know, the final shoulda bin 17-10 if the officials hadn't blown it n'at.

* Well, we did see 11-10 but it didn't last. The Blue Man Group outta put some points on da board before Philly puts the game beyond reach.

* Not looking good for Big Blue. Wowsers, dis far the home teams are 0-3...dat ain't a good omen for the Black n'Gold. Let's hope Ben n' da Boyz snap that trend.

* Humpf, the talk'n head on the teevee says that no game has ever ended in a final score of 23-11...historic ending after all n'at.

Depend'n on my state of mind, n'at, after the big showdown, I might post s'more...or I might not.

Go Stillers!!!!

1-11-09 – Final Christmas Wrap-Up

Mrs. S tells me that I must finish up with my Christmas posts before it's MLK Day. In my defense, in Gnomistan we celebrate both regular western Christmas and Eastern Orthodox Christmas during an on-going mid-winter festival. Naturally, we put off gift-giving to the end in order to take advantage of the monster after (western) Christmas clearance sales. My point is that I'm really not that far behind!

Now to the pictures. This first album includes shots from our trip to New York City on Christmas Day. Be sure to check out the pictures from the Rockettes' performance at Radio City Hall. The ladies with the looong pretty legs were spectacular.




See the full album here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/31094302@N03/sets/72157612448636162

The second album is from our celebrations with Mrs. S's family in Western Pennsylvania. The highlight of this album is the adorable Master Landon, nephew of Mrs. S. I must admit, I am quite jealous that my cousin Gomer gets to live with Landon's family year-round. Master Landon was a lean, mean, present-opening machine.







See the full album here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31094302@N03/sets/72157612406841241/

1/7/09 - JoePa's Missing Glasses

Well, I had high hopes for humanity in 2009 but already my gnome faith has been shaken. Who would steal JoePa's coke bottles? Did they really believe that his prescription would be an exact match for their eyes? Just another instance of why America needs to adopt a universal health care system like we have in Gnomistan.

1-3-09 It's drywall time!

After many months of hard work it's time to REALLY start putting the kitchen back together. First up, drywall the ceiling. I enjoy this quite a bit. There is something fulfilling about putting up drywall. It really makes you feel like you are making progress. To speed things along, Mr. S rented a drywall lift to hoist and hold the sheets to the ceiling so we could screw them in. This makes the job go much faster than if you were trying to do it by hand. Mr. S joked that if we didn't rent the lift, we could just balance the sheet on our heads and screw it in. This might be an option for Mr. S as he is over six feet tall but as you may have noticed, I am on the short side. It would take dozens of gnomes standing on each others' shoulders to reach that high. As a point of fact, gnomes do not stack well. Once we get more than two gnomes high, we become very unstable. This is actually why Gnomistan is very underrepresented in international cheerleading competitions. We just can't form the required pyramids.

The work went very smoothly. Mr. S would measure the piece and I would cut it and load it onto the lift. Mr. S would raise the piece into place while I stood on a ladder and checked the alignment. By the time we finished the final piece, we were a well-oiled machine. I was so excited by our performance that I grabbed the nearest hammer and started ripping out the drywall of the family room! I wanted to do more! Mr. S had to tackle me and wrestle the hammer out of my hands. He wasn't too thrilled at doing more work than needed.

Me and the drywall lift


Our fearless leader

Ok, keep going...keep going...keep, no wait, ABORT! ABORT!


Some pictures of the progress

12-28-08 Christmas isn't always so jolly

Now that Christmas is over, I feel I have to let the world know a sad secret about the holiday. Everyone thinks about Christmas as a joyous holiday where Santa brings everyone in the world just what they wanted. All of the glory goes to Santa Claus and his reindeer. No one ever gives a thought about where those toys come from--the elves. The airwaves are filled with pro-Santa propaganda during the holiday season but no one ever considers the plight of the poor elves. In fact, they have been exploited for their labor for centuries.

I had the occasion to talk to a few of the elves right after the holiday and they were more than willing to give me all the gory details. Even though the elves belong to a union (Toy Makers and Steamfitter Local 103), the fat man continues to overwork his workers to the point of cruelty. The elves have to work 364 days of the year only getting September 19th off for International Talk Like a Pirate day. These poor creatures work for 18 hours a day, every day. Santa also does not believe in automation. A large portion of their work could easily be automated but Santa considers this “laziness.” If it wasn't for the six union coffee breaks a day, the elves would never survive. And, let's not even talk about the poor working conditions. Every elf knowns about the tragic LightBright accident of 1983 that took the lives of 1477 in a matter of seconds.

So please remember, next year when you are asking Santa for your favorite toys, think of the Elves working behind the scenes slaving away to ensure your happiness. For more information about this issue, please listen to this song from the Barenaked Ladies. They sum it up better in one song than I could ever hope to. Elves Lament

12-25-08 If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere

First, let me say “Merry Christmas.” For a gnome, there is no more special holiday than Christmas. Well, maybe Boxing Day...but Christmas is a close second. Hmm, I forgot Arbor Day. OK, Christmas is definitely in the top five.

For Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. S took Mr. S's mother and father into New York City for the day. Mr. S's mother had been wanting to see lights and the decorations for years, so we all went on a field trip. As a special treat, they arranged to see a performance of the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. After a few hours of begging, they agreed to take me with them. This was my first time in New York City and let me say it did not disappoint! I'm not used to cities with 7 million humans. The largest city in Gnomistan has a population of 3 million. And remember, we're gnomes. We don't take up that much space. In the space of a typical NYC studio apartment, we would would have housing for 1500 gnomes! After arriving in the city, we began taking in the sights. Everything in the city is big. The buildings...the subway...the pretzels. Even the Christmas ornaments were huge!


While I stood there in awe of the size of the city, Santa walked up to me and asked me for a picture. It seems that I am somewhat famous in the Santa community for my ability to control reindeer with only a glance. For some reason they are intimidated by me. Go figure.



After Santa and I parted ways, we made our way to Rockefeller Center to see the tree. The tree was breathtaking but I must admit it did look out of place. I can understand that during the Christmas season it looks beautiful when it is decorated, but what about the other eleven months? Do they decorate it with eggs for Easter? Do they hang pumpkins on it for Halloween? I guess it's already appropriately decorated for Arbor Day.


Not all was fun on this trip. A short distance from the tree, we witnessed a sad side of humanity. As thousands of onlookers gazed upon them, roughly one hundred poor souls ice skated endlessly in a circle. I can only image the crimes they must have committed to be forced into this ice spiral from hell. When I asked one of the onlookers what these people had done to deserve such a harsh punishment, she just stared at me with a vacant look in her eyes. She must have been as appalled as I was.


Finally, we made it to the show and my, oh my, was it spectacular! There was singing, dancing, comedy...you couldn't ask for more. And the dancers! Hubba Hubba! It was a treat for all the senses.

12-24-08 Random Christmas pictures

and I want a puppy, a gnome-sized laptop, bottle of Gnomistani spiced rum.

Didn't I meet some of your smaller cousins last year?

Pop quiz: one of these three things is not like the other

Ok, Santa. Either you get me my puppy or I'm not moving. Just try me.

12-24-08 No, I would NOT like to buy insurance

I saw the Aflac spokesduck on TV for the first time the other day. I thought it was a very funny and creative commercial. I would even consider buying supplemental insurance from them if I wasn't already covered by the Gnomistani universal health care plan. I was under the impression that you had to call them to buy one of their policies. Imagine my surprise when I was admiring Mr. S's family Christmas tree when I was ambushed by none other than the spokesduck! Talk about high pressure sales tactics! He wouldn't let me leave until he finished his FOUR HOUR sales pitch! On Christmas eve! I politely told him no, for the eighty-third time, and he finally got the message. I shook his wing and off he went.

12-24-08 So this is where cows come from!

Cows are amazing animals. They're cute, gentle, tasty creatures. I have admired these graceful beasts ever since I was a young gnome roaming the countryside looking for adventure. I wandered a long time as there was very little excitement in the area. About the best we could hope for was watching the occasional prairie dog gang fight.

I have always wondered where cows came from. I have never seen a pregnant cow, or at least I don't think I have. Are cows born like other animals? Do they grow out of the ground like corn? Are they delivered from the sky like the mammoth ground slug of the badlands? No, my good readers. The answer is much simpler and thanks to Mr. S's mother I now have the answer. Cows are hatched from eggs. I bet you're glad you know this now.

12-14-08 I make this look gooooood

Once the mailman came down from the tree, and after I apologized profusely, I received the package sent by Mr. S's mother. Christmas had come early! I was incredibly excited as I ripped open the package and tore off the wrapping paper. I was taken aback! I had never seen anything so beautiful! I immediately tried it on and haven't taken it off since. The three bulbs on the collar twinkle just like my eyes do!

12-13-08 I just cannot condone this behavior

Wow...just, wow. I hereby denounce all the gnomes that participated in this shameless stunt.

http://weirdnews.about.com/od/weirdphotos/ig/Nazi-Garden-Gnomes/