8-23-08 Gone, baby, gone

The kitchen is so much bigger now without the cabinets...and the sink...and the dishwasher...and the stove. My, oh my, so much open space!

8-21-08 Let There Be Light

Today Mrs. S allowed me to be the foregnome of the window crew. Although she had some difficulties understanding the workers, I was able to save the day. As a traveling gnome, I am proficient in many languages. With me acting as an interpreter, the crew successfully installed three new windows.

8-20-08 Oh, the Gnomanity!

Beware, fellow gnomes! I was quite appalled to read this shocking story from a town near where Mrs. S grew up.


The incident alone is tragic enough but notice that the article, typical of media here in the States, gives no mention of the condition of the poor gnome. Will the violence never stop?

[h/t Kim for sharing this article.]

8-19-08 Can't make this stuff up

After another grueling evening of work, I had just about finished the kitchen demolition.


Imagine my surprise when I removed the sink and found this:




Somebody must have had quite the party when they were building the kitchen!

8-16-08 Steely-Eyed Gnomanski

To thank Mr. and Mrs. S for their hospitality this weekend, Mrs. S's brother and sister-in-law presented them with a new addition to the family. Steely-Eyed Gnomanski is yet another cousin of mine from the homeland. “Steely-eyed” (which is his actual name, I have seen his drivers license) hails from the steel belt of central Gnomanistan. The region is known for the convergence of Gnomistan's three main rivers and its fanatical devotion to the local sports teams. Welcome, S.E.! I look forward to getting to know another of my fellow countrymen.

8-16-08 The gang goes to the zoo

Mrs. S's brother and sister-in-law had never been to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. before, so we decided to take a field trip. For Landon, this was the first time he had ever seen exotic wild animals outside of a Dr. Seuss book. I, myself, was very excited about this trip as I had heard that the zoo had recently been given a pair for endangered Gnomistani screaming prairie dogs as a goodwill gift. These animals are very rare and truly a delight to see. It is said that if they scream at just the right pitch, you will think you hear angels singing in heaven...just before you tiny eardrums burst.

Alas, it was not to be. When we arrived at the zoo, there was a sign saying that gnomes were banned due to a recent incident with a gnome and a badger. Undeterred, I hid myself in Landon's stroller and we headed inside. I decided that I would be the designated camera gnome for the day in order to not attract too much attention to myself. So I don't get to see the Gnomistani screaming prairie dogs but here are some of the pictures I snapped.

8-15-08 And who might you be?

Thursday night I decided to turn in early after working all day to clean up the mess I had made in the kitchen. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning to find not only were there strange people in the house but they had a baby with them. Now I know why Mrs. S wanted me to clean up so thoroughly. It is not well known but aside from our love of travel and demolition skills, gnomes also make excellent babysitters. In fact, the story of Mary Poppins was loosely based on a gnome named Berry Hobbins from the southern coast of Gnomistan. Readers, I present to you Landon, the nephew of Mr. & Mrs. S.

With a baby in the house, I immediately placed all demolition activities on hold. I briefly considered enlisting Landon's help with the project but Mr. S reminded me of the strict child labor laws here in the States.

I was amazed at how smart and well-behaved Landon acted. The other children I have seen on my travels have seemed rude and immature while Landon was a model of sophistication. Could it be I was mistaken about children from this country? Alas, the answer to the riddle was revealed to me...Landon has had the benefit a Gnomish presence guiding him through his development. A handsome fellow countryman named Gomer, who bears a striking resemblance to myself, has been by his side for most of his young life. Now I know why Landon is such a delightful—and cuddly—child! A gnome has helped to mold his sunny disposition.