3-20-2010 Let the fun begin!

We decided that Friday we would stay in and relay. Partly our decision was dictated by the snow that fell all morning and afternoon and partly by my inability to adapt to not having air to breathe. Kim said that it takes several days for a normal person to adapt to the altitude. My friends, I am not a person....and for that matter, not normal. I realized that the symptoms of hypoxia are very similar to a hangover. I figured it was worth a try to use the tried and true Gnomistani hangover remedy. This remedy has been handed down from my father and from his fathers father and from his fathers, fathers, father. He got it from someone named Chuck Finley. I must warn you, this is not for the faint of heart. Try it at your own risk.

1.Drink 36oz. of water within 7 minutes
2.Take 1000mg of vitamin C
3.Find the hottest jalapeno pepper you can find and place it up your right nostril. Breathe deeply.
4.While standing on your left foot, sing the title song from “The Pirates of Penzance “
5.Vomit until you see god
6.Lather, rinse, repeat.

After a few rounds of treatment and a good night sleep I was cured! I woke up Saturday bubbling with energy and I was ready to attack the day. The weather was beautiful and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Our journeys tool us to Estes Park and Rocky Mountain National Park. Enjoy my photos.

On the road again. I can't wait to get on the road again.

Me outside the entrance to Estes Park

9240 feet!!! No wonder my ears feel like they are going to explode! I only wish Gnomes had the ability to yawn to pop their ears.

It might be the hypoxia talking, but this place is beautiful.

Me and Mr. S. at Bear Lake

Ummm, Hello? There is a Gnome stuck in the snow over here.

Oh yeah, we walked around the entire lake.

Mr. S., what's an avalanche? It's what! Get me the hell out of here!

3-19-2010 Ummm, I was told there was going to be air in Colorado.

My good readers, are you aware that there is a widespread air shortage in this country? I was completely ignorant about this problem. I watch all the major news channels, read the Washington Post, and on occasion, visit an Oracle but I never heard a single mention of this national crisis. When we arrived in Denver I was feeling a tired and a little light headed. I assumed that I was just a bit jet lagged. When I awoke this morning I had a splitting headache and no energy. I immediately thought I had contracted a case of Gnomistani yelping sickness but since I did not have a swollen tongue, bloodshot eyes, and I wasn't suddenly reciting Shakespeare in Esperanto I dismissed that diagnosis. Kim said that it was the altitude that was making me feel this way and it was normal. Now, my good friends, when I was a lad I spent several months as a mountain tour guide in the mountains around my village. I know about working at high altitudes. I would climb the mountains several times a week and some times stay up there for days at a time. With the exception of the time I got into a drinking contest with the Swiss National Curling team I have never felt this bad.

The only logical conclusion I can draw is that, for some unknown reason, the area around Denver has lost a significant amount of air. I propose that this nation dedicate a significant portion of the national budget to building a wall around Denver to prevent more air from leaking out. If we do not control this problem soon not only will this area be without air but the entire local kite industry will go bankrupt.

3-18-2010 Rocky mountain high

For those readers who are not aware, Mr. S's Sister, Kim, moved out to Colorado a few years ago. Ever since the move she has been asking Mr. S. to come out for a visit but between the kitchen remodeling, his work schedule, and the new baby it just never worked out. Much to Kim's surprise Mr. S. agreed to come out to visit this weekend.

So once again my readers you get to join me on another travel adventure. And once again I am forced to fly packed inside Mr. S's luggage. From what Mr. S. says it is some airline rule that any passengers under 12” tall must ride in a cramped suitcase, wrapped in a tshirt, and stuffed into the overhead compartment. I'm going to have to look this up when I get home.

3-17-2010 What a long strange trip its been.

Greetings my loyal fans! You must be loyal fans as I have not posted an update in months and you still visit my site. Many of you have asked “ Where is Nittany?”, “Is Nittany OK?”, “Was Nittany kidnapped by members of the Trollistan mafia and forced to work in the salt mines of northern Trollistan badlands until his debt to the feared mafia boss 'Guido the vague' was paid off?” To answer everyone's questions....I am here, I am fine, and the less you know about my dealings with Guido the better.

When you last heard from me I was announcing the birth of Mr. and Mrs. S's baby girl Serena. I am happy to report that Serena is doing wonderfully. She is now 9 months old and growing faster than a weed. Well an American weed, not the Gnomistani weed. Gnomistani weeds tend to grow faster than your American counterparts due to our fertile soil, clean air, and an unfortunate industrial accident that released a large quantity of steroids into the watershed causing the local plant life to grow at unthinkable rates. One plant species became sentient and has even won three seats on the Gnomistani parliament. Predictably they are anti herbicide.

So you may be wondering what I have been doing over the past nine months. Well for the first three months I was fulfilling my role as a professional child care specialist. It started off well enough, Serena was very much like a Gnome baby. She slept often, cried randomly, and did not all the words to Frank Sinatra's song “Mack the Knife”. Then the fun began. First, let me say that Serena is a wonderful child. I would not want to help raise any child but her. Now that I have said that I must confess that Serena did do one thing that I was not prepared for. When she became upset she emitted a sound at such a high intensity that some of my relatives back in Gnomistan have reported hearing it. And it's not just a single cry. She has been known to scream for no reason for hours on end, only to stop just as quickly and fall asleep. I wasn't able to sleep for over two weeks! It is well known that Gnomes need their beauty sleep. Wars have even been started because the Gnomistani Prime Minister didn't get enough sleep and was cranky. Thankfully the crying didn't last very long and as quickly as it started, it was gone.

I realized that Mr. and Mrs. had a good handle on parenting so with their blessing I took a vacation. I had planned on only being away for two weeks but my adventure lasted nearly five months. I promise to tell you all about my adventure in the future but right now I cannot. I am bound by a gag order, three cease and desist notices, and , for reasons I will NOT reveal, a bench warrant in Omaha.