Wednesday, March 24, 2010
3-22-2010 All good things must come to an end.
Well, my good readers, my four day adventure in Colorado is coming to an end. As I write this, I am somewhere over the heartland of America. Thanks to a bit of quick thinking, my rugged good looks, and a few well-timed compliments, I was able to talk myself into a first class upgrade for the flight home. Poor Mr. S, I almost feel bad for him sitting back in coach. I'm sure the free champagne and fresh baked cookies will get me over it.
3-22-2010 Running afoul of the law
Today is my last day in the beautiful state of Colorado. We had a planned a relatively low key day of sightseeing across the Peak to Peak Highway and then down to to the concert arena at Red Rocks.
Somewhere on the Peak to Peak Highway we ran into a little trouble. I was peacefully sleeping in Mr. S's backpack as I had a long night of partying with two lawn gnomes I met outside Kim's apartment. Word of caution, unless you are used to the lack of oxygen in Colorado, do NOT attempt to go shot for shot with the locals. It will only end badly. I woke up this morning, upside down, in an empty Jagermeister bottle. As I was saying, I was sleeping soundly when out of nowhere we saw flashing lights behind us and a police siren. Kim and Mr. S were calm but I froze like a statue in fear. Remember how I mentioned that I had a bench warrant out for me in Omaha (no, I will not get into any details)? Well, in my Jager-induced haze, I thought that the Federalies were after me! I quickly dropped down into the backpack and hid myself under Mr S's camera. I feared I was doomed! I could see out of a small hole in the bag as the Federalies approached the car. I couldn't hear what was being said but my keen lip reading skills helped me process the situation. This is what I could make out:
Federalies: “Are you transporting any fugitive gnomes in this vehicle ma'am?”
Kim: “No, officer, it is just the two of us humans.”
Federalies: “Are you sure? Harboring a fugitive Gnome is punishable by five years in prison and revocation of all privileges in the Gnomistani Jelly of the Month Club.”
Kim: “Is this fugitive Gnome dangerous?
Federalies: “ Yes ma'am, he is accused of **** Censored ***** in the city of Omaha.”
Kim: “ Oh my, I will be sure to call the police if I spot him.”
Federalies: “ Very good, Ma'am. Have a good day.”
This is how I remember the situation. Of course, it could have just been that Kim was speeding...I can't be sure. The lesson is...don't drink Jager at high altitudes unless you bring an oxygen tank with you.
Our big stop of the day was at Red Rocks amphitheater. This place was amazing! It was built into the side of a hill and has hosted some of the biggest musical acts from the Beatles to Ozzy Ozborne. I can't even begin to imagine how this place must sound when it is fully packed. I talked to one of the event organizers about the possibility of getting the Gnomistani National Ukulele Orchestra to play here but he said the schedule was full for years to come. I think they might still have reservations about allowing any Gnomistani group to play at the theater after the 1976 incident. To this day I still contend that the rock slide wasn't the fault of the 500 member Gnomistani yodeling team.
Anyway, here are a few photos from today's adventure.
Hello Cleveland!
Somewhere on the Peak to Peak Highway we ran into a little trouble. I was peacefully sleeping in Mr. S's backpack as I had a long night of partying with two lawn gnomes I met outside Kim's apartment. Word of caution, unless you are used to the lack of oxygen in Colorado, do NOT attempt to go shot for shot with the locals. It will only end badly. I woke up this morning, upside down, in an empty Jagermeister bottle. As I was saying, I was sleeping soundly when out of nowhere we saw flashing lights behind us and a police siren. Kim and Mr. S were calm but I froze like a statue in fear. Remember how I mentioned that I had a bench warrant out for me in Omaha (no, I will not get into any details)? Well, in my Jager-induced haze, I thought that the Federalies were after me! I quickly dropped down into the backpack and hid myself under Mr S's camera. I feared I was doomed! I could see out of a small hole in the bag as the Federalies approached the car. I couldn't hear what was being said but my keen lip reading skills helped me process the situation. This is what I could make out:
Federalies: “Are you transporting any fugitive gnomes in this vehicle ma'am?”
Kim: “No, officer, it is just the two of us humans.”
Federalies: “Are you sure? Harboring a fugitive Gnome is punishable by five years in prison and revocation of all privileges in the Gnomistani Jelly of the Month Club.”
Kim: “Is this fugitive Gnome dangerous?
Federalies: “ Yes ma'am, he is accused of **** Censored ***** in the city of Omaha.”
Kim: “ Oh my, I will be sure to call the police if I spot him.”
Federalies: “ Very good, Ma'am. Have a good day.”
This is how I remember the situation. Of course, it could have just been that Kim was speeding...I can't be sure. The lesson is...don't drink Jager at high altitudes unless you bring an oxygen tank with you.
Our big stop of the day was at Red Rocks amphitheater. This place was amazing! It was built into the side of a hill and has hosted some of the biggest musical acts from the Beatles to Ozzy Ozborne. I can't even begin to imagine how this place must sound when it is fully packed. I talked to one of the event organizers about the possibility of getting the Gnomistani National Ukulele Orchestra to play here but he said the schedule was full for years to come. I think they might still have reservations about allowing any Gnomistani group to play at the theater after the 1976 incident. To this day I still contend that the rock slide wasn't the fault of the 500 member Gnomistani yodeling team.
Anyway, here are a few photos from today's adventure.
Hello Cleveland!
3-21-2010 The gang goes to the zoo
After leaving the Garden of the Gods and grabbing a quick lunch, we decided to find another activity nearby. Kim suggested that we visit the Air Force Academy and Mr. S seemed interested as well. I, on the other hand, refused to go. Kim and Mr. S seemed confused so I was forced to explain my reluctance. Ever since an unfortunate childhood incident when I was caught in the middle of the University of Gnomistan's Bluejays Marching Band during the St. Gnomistrick's Day Parade, I have had a fear of large groups of men and women, dressed in blue, marching.
We decided to drive a few more miles south to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. I am a big fan of zoos. Many a day in my teen years back in Gnomistan, I would wander the local zoo observing the animals' behavior. I learned a lot about Gnomistan's native wildlife by simply observing these animals. For example, did you know that the jungle pig of the central rain forest can sprint at over 30 mph but for some strange quirk of evolution, cannot turn left? No matter where they are going they must get there in a series of right turns. (Fun fact: the CEO of the United Parcel Service observed the jungle pigs on a safari and revolutionized the shipping industry by copying their right-turn only philosophy.)
The zoo was a lot of fun. I was able to see lots of interesting animals, meet some nice people, and best of all, none of the animals tried to eat me! I can't stress how important that is to me. The three of us had such a great time that we closed the zoo. Mr. S and Kim were ready to leave but I wanted to stay. I put up such a fight that they had to call zoo security. I tried to hide behind stork but for some reason the guards were able to easily find me. I'm used to Gnomistani storks... they have much thicker legs.
Are you a Nittany Lion?
Gooood kitty. Stay. Staaaaay.
Now where did I put that picnic basket?
Kim makes a friend
We decided to drive a few more miles south to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. I am a big fan of zoos. Many a day in my teen years back in Gnomistan, I would wander the local zoo observing the animals' behavior. I learned a lot about Gnomistan's native wildlife by simply observing these animals. For example, did you know that the jungle pig of the central rain forest can sprint at over 30 mph but for some strange quirk of evolution, cannot turn left? No matter where they are going they must get there in a series of right turns. (Fun fact: the CEO of the United Parcel Service observed the jungle pigs on a safari and revolutionized the shipping industry by copying their right-turn only philosophy.)
The zoo was a lot of fun. I was able to see lots of interesting animals, meet some nice people, and best of all, none of the animals tried to eat me! I can't stress how important that is to me. The three of us had such a great time that we closed the zoo. Mr. S and Kim were ready to leave but I wanted to stay. I put up such a fight that they had to call zoo security. I tried to hide behind stork but for some reason the guards were able to easily find me. I'm used to Gnomistani storks... they have much thicker legs.
Are you a Nittany Lion?
Gooood kitty. Stay. Staaaaay.
Now where did I put that picnic basket?
Kim makes a friend3-21-2010 It's harvest time
After the fun we had yesterday up in the mountains, I was on pins and needles to find out today's adventure. Mr. S said we were heading south past Denver to the Garden of the Gods. This intrigued me as I had never heard of this place. Mr. S wouldn't tell me anything else, he said it would be a surprise. Naturally my mind began to concoct all kinds of different ideas of what this place might be. I dreamed of rows and rows of religious statues sticking out of the ground ready to be harvested. I could even envision in my mind one farmer saying to the other “This year's crop of Buddhas are coming in nicely. Looks like the Easter Island statues are ready to harvest.” I know, I have a vivid imagination.
The Garden of the Gods turned out to be a beautiful park filled with massive red outcroppings that seemed to come out of nowhere. They were hundreds of feet tall, some nearly vertical, and simply breathtaking. They reminded me of some of the mountains back in my homeland. The mountains in one particular region of southern Gnomistan seemed normal by day but at night they seemed to glow a ghostly blue. For hundreds of years they were thought to posses magical properties allowing visitors to have visions of their futures. They were so revered that they were made a Gnomistani national landmark. It wasn't until two years ago that the secret of the mountains was revealed. The blue glow and visions were not magical. They were actually caused by a large deposit of natural gas under the mountains that would leak out of the ground at night causing the hallucinations. At least some good came from the discovery: the mountains now power Gnomistan's third largest city.
Look at me, I'm almost as tall as this mountain.
Pikes Peak doesn't look THAT tall.
The rocks....there everywhere.
The Garden of the Gods turned out to be a beautiful park filled with massive red outcroppings that seemed to come out of nowhere. They were hundreds of feet tall, some nearly vertical, and simply breathtaking. They reminded me of some of the mountains back in my homeland. The mountains in one particular region of southern Gnomistan seemed normal by day but at night they seemed to glow a ghostly blue. For hundreds of years they were thought to posses magical properties allowing visitors to have visions of their futures. They were so revered that they were made a Gnomistani national landmark. It wasn't until two years ago that the secret of the mountains was revealed. The blue glow and visions were not magical. They were actually caused by a large deposit of natural gas under the mountains that would leak out of the ground at night causing the hallucinations. At least some good came from the discovery: the mountains now power Gnomistan's third largest city.
Look at me, I'm almost as tall as this mountain.
Pikes Peak doesn't look THAT tall.
The rocks....there everywhere.
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