12-28-08 Christmas isn't always so jolly

Now that Christmas is over, I feel I have to let the world know a sad secret about the holiday. Everyone thinks about Christmas as a joyous holiday where Santa brings everyone in the world just what they wanted. All of the glory goes to Santa Claus and his reindeer. No one ever gives a thought about where those toys come from--the elves. The airwaves are filled with pro-Santa propaganda during the holiday season but no one ever considers the plight of the poor elves. In fact, they have been exploited for their labor for centuries.

I had the occasion to talk to a few of the elves right after the holiday and they were more than willing to give me all the gory details. Even though the elves belong to a union (Toy Makers and Steamfitter Local 103), the fat man continues to overwork his workers to the point of cruelty. The elves have to work 364 days of the year only getting September 19th off for International Talk Like a Pirate day. These poor creatures work for 18 hours a day, every day. Santa also does not believe in automation. A large portion of their work could easily be automated but Santa considers this “laziness.” If it wasn't for the six union coffee breaks a day, the elves would never survive. And, let's not even talk about the poor working conditions. Every elf knowns about the tragic LightBright accident of 1983 that took the lives of 1477 in a matter of seconds.

So please remember, next year when you are asking Santa for your favorite toys, think of the Elves working behind the scenes slaving away to ensure your happiness. For more information about this issue, please listen to this song from the Barenaked Ladies. They sum it up better in one song than I could ever hope to. Elves Lament