The Adventures of Nittany Gnome

5/21/2010 Bermuda...part two

2010-05-22T16:03:00.001-04:00

Today we plan to explore the the beautiful island of Bermuda, more specifically the Royal Navy Dock Yard. Serena awoke from her morning nap ready to take on the world and who were we to hold her back. We decided to start off slow and do a little shopping before hitting the beach. Serena was getting very excited about going in the water that she had a hard time sitting still in her stroller. We decided to give Mr. and Mrs. S a break and walk around on our own while they shopped. You may be asking, “How can such a small gnome push such a large stroller?” First of all, I take offense to the statement that I am short. I am rather tall for a gnome, or at least I was. Over the years, like many people, I have shrunk a bit as I aged. Back in my youth I was a star on my high school volleyball team. I used to almost be able to touch the bottom of the net with a good leap. I was heavily recruited for college but after the doctors found a bone spur in my shoulder I decided to hang up my knee pads. So back off with the short jokes or I'll give your shin a good thrashing. To answer your original question, while I can't reach the handles I have adapted the lower basket into a makeshift Gnome control center. I can put my legs through the bottom and drive the stroller with the best of them. And, when I get tired I can hop up and use the basket as a hammock to catch a few Z's while Serena eats. The only bad thing is that on more than one occasion, Mr. S has forgotten I was down there and folded the stroller with me inside. One time I was so soundly asleep that I didn't realize what had happened until I awoke inside the Xray machine. The good news is that I was unharmed. The better news is that I finally found out what had happened to that penny I swallowed as a child.

After strolling around the dock yard for half an hour and feeding Serena some lunch, it was off to the beach. None of us knew how she would react to the sand and the water. She had always like bath time so we had high hopes. We got to the beach, set up a towel, and let her loose. At first she had no idea what to make of the sand. She picked it up, mashed it between her fingers, and tried to eat it (I stopped her just in the nick of time). Finally she stood up on the cool sand, smiled, and she was off to the races! She had no problem walking on the sand at all and loved picking up the small shells and handing them to me. We played in the sand until Serena got a little bold and tried to run to the volleyball court. She tripped and fell on her face scratching her cheek a bit. Of course she came running to me to help console her. I gave her boo-boo a kiss and she was back to her giggling self in no time. Now it was time to play in the ocean! For safety sake I let Mrs. S hold Serena as I tend to get very buoyant in sea water. Mrs. S walked her down to the waters edge...I floated a few feet off short to capture the event. A few tense minutes passed as she tried to figure out what was she was seeing. Suddenly, a big smile signaled it was play time! She splashed and giggled as Mrs. S bounced her in and out of the water. If she had her way she would have stayed all day in the ocean! We kept this up for about 20 minutes until Serena started to get sleepy as we approached nap time. I think Mrs. S was grateful Serena was tiring as her arms were exhausted. Mrs. S took Serena back to the blanket to get cleaned up while Mr. S started packing up the stroller. I, on the other hand, being distracted by the cheerful Serena, started drifting away from the beach. If it not for the kindness of a sea turtle, I may have been another missing gnome with his face on the side of a milk carton!

5/20/2010 Bermuda

2010-05-21T14:44:00.003-04:00

We arrived at Bermuda a little before 4 pm with our expected docking around 5 pm. As we pulled near the port there were already two ship docked and thus no room for us. This is not a problem as one of them was scheduled to deport imminently. So we waited...and we waited.....and we waited. Five o'clock came and went and were still waiting to dock. It wasn't until 5:30 pm that the other ship finally departed, allowing us to dock by 6 pm. I'm not sure of the cause of the delay. Mr. and Mrs. S think it was a ship sponsored excursion that was late getting back. Personally, I believe that the captain threw a temper tantrum because he didn't want to leave this beautiful island.

We decided to take it easy the first day on the island since it wouldn't be too long until Serena's bed time. We walked around the Royal Navy Dock Yard letting Serena take in the sights and sounds of her first foreign country. Serena really seems to like it! She was making friends with everyone that passed by and seemed to smile the entire time. Unfortunately we got into port a little late and did not make it to the nearby beach but we were able to play in a fountain. That little girl loves the water!

After we returned for the day, Mr. and Mrs. had a nice romantic dinner on their balcony as I baby sat Serena in the cabin. Serena and I had a great time together. We played a marathon session of “Peek-a-boo” which of course I let her win. It was hard throwing the game. Not many people know but I placed third in the “34th annual 'Peek-a-boo' and 'I've got your nose' games” in 1984. It was a tough year. The Soviets fielded an excellent team but the surprise of the games was the strong showing by the Jamaicans. They went on to dominate for the next few years until the doping scandal of 1989. When we were done playing I read her a few bedtime stories and then rocked her to sleep. She used to be a lot easier for me to rock to sleep in my arms. She has gotten big over the past 11 months!

Tomorrow we shall explore Bermuda!

5/19/2010 At sea

2010-05-21T14:44:00.001-04:00

Today was our first day at sea on our way to Bermuda. This was the first opportunity for all of us to explore the ship. I really enjoy the layout of this ship! It's not as big as some of the other vessels we have sailed on but everything is nicely laid out and looks beautiful. We found a toddler play area for Serena on one of the upper decks and she is having a ball. There are so many great toys and she got to play with another baby only one month older than her named Jax. They both played together for about a half an hour and had a great time.

One thing I failed to mention earlier was that Serena did find one thing she did not like on the ship... the elevators. She doesn't like them not for the reason that I dislike them (no day of the week on the floor), but because of the motion. She had been on elevators before but I guess they have never accelerated as quickly as this one. Mr. and Mrs. S have been working with her all week and she is getting better. The down side to this is that Mr. and Mrs. S have been carrying her up and down the stairs to get to their destinations. Seeing how tired they were getting I volunteered to give her a Gnomi-back ride. Not fully appreciating her current size she proceeded to topple me over and face plant me into the carpet. She thought it was hysterical...I thought it was painful. Not wanting to lose face, other than what I just lost to carpet burn, I forced myself to pick her up and give her a ride down the stairs. It was the longest four flights of stairs in my life! When we got to the bottom of the last flight I passed off Serena to Mr. S and collapsed on the floor exhausted. Serena, sensing how tired I was, bent down and gave me a big hug. That made it all worth it.

5/18/2010 Everybody knows my name

2010-05-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

Today we stopped in Boston and decided to walk around the city. Stopping here was like coming home for me. I spent about six months in Boston when I was a foreign exchange student in college. It's an amazing town and has always been one of my favorite places to visit. Since I had some experience navigating the town I volunteered to be Mr. and Mrs. S's tour guide. After leaving the ship we caught a bus to the market where we indulged ourselves in some of the local delicacies. After our nice lunch, we decided to grab a beer at my favorite local bar. I was very excited as I wanted to take Mr. and Mrs. S to my favorite watering hole in the city. I spent many a night there regaling my fellow patrons with stories of my homeland and of my travels. I remember all the locals fondly. The owner of the establishment was a very friendly man who was quite a hit with the ladies. He did seem to have a very unnatural fascination with his hair though. Then there were two of the long time regulars, I wish I could remember their names. One was a portly fellow who was always complaining about his wife. The other was a delivery man, I believe for UPS, who would always tell the most amazing stories and seemed to be an expert on everything. There was one bartender who was a simple country boy and never really got the hang of the big city. One waitress there frightened me to no end. She was roughly my size but was very gruff and often threatened the UPS driver's life! I made sure to always tip her very well.

As we walked into the establishment, I was amazed that not only did they remember me but they greeted me the way they used to. As I entered, the entire bar yelled “NITTANY!” Mr. S later recalled the rest of the conversation

The bartender: “How's the world been treating you, Mr. Nittany?”
Nittany: “Like it's a dog and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear.”

We always used to kid around like that. We stayed at the bar for a few hours while I caught up with my old friends. It seems like a lot has changed since I left. One of the usual customers, a psychiatrist, moved out to Seattle to live with his father. I hear he has his own radio call in show now!

Well I finally had to say goodbye to my old friends and get back to the ship. It was great to see them and I promised to visit more often.

5/17/2010 Island of Rhode....I think not

2010-05-21T14:43:00.001-04:00

I feel betrayed.... I feel angry....I feel, well, very embarrassed. As you may have read from my past posting, I had deduced from my vast cruising experience that the Island of Rhode would be a tropic paradise complete with warm beaches and fruity drinks. I was wrong....so very, very wrong. First of all, the name of the state is not the “Island of Rhode”--it is Rhode Island. I was wondering why everyone was chuckling and when I said that. Second of all, this place is nothing like a tropic paradise. While beautiful in its own way, it is not what I expected at all. Thankfully I discovered this before I embarrassed myself further. I packed away the snorkel gear, hung up my flip flops, and put my speedo back in the drawer for another day.

Instead of docking at the port the ship was going to tender us into the town of Newport. Serena wasn't wild about the tenders but she undertook the short boat ride without summoning schools of wild porpoises. I think our fellow passengers appreciated this a great deal. We spent the morning walking around the cute little seaside town which used to be the playground of the very, very rich. I seem to remember hearing stories of a Gnomistani robber baron, the Gnomdervilts, having a small getaway “cottage” here of 85 rooms, or so. We also saw the church where the famous president JFK was married to his bride Jackie.

5/16/2010 I'm sailing away....

2010-05-21T14:42:00.001-04:00

We have left port and are sailing to the Island of Rhode. For the first time we are traveling on the Celebrity Cruise line instead of our normal Royal Caribbean. I must say this ship is nice. The crew is fantastic, the ship is very well laid out, and our cabin is roomy. So far, I am very happy. Serena is also adapting extremely well to her new environment. The gentle rocking of the ship has not affected her in the slightest. She has also been a perfect angel at dinner, sitting though the entire meal on her best behavior. I see that the full month of etiquette training I have been subjecting her to has paid off! She is also very excited about the food. Mr. and Mrs. S, always the diligent parents, brought with them a large bag of her normal food for the trip. It looks like most of it will not be needed. On the first night Serena sampled pasta carbonara, caprese salad, and fresh fruit. She is a very good eater!

Serena is also in her glory around all her fellow passengers. Walking around the ship she smiles at everyone, waves to them hello and good bye, and when she is feeling adventurous, the occasional high five. I think she might have a career as a cruise director some day!

I do have one small gripe with this ship. Unlike the other vessels I have sailed on in the past, this ship does not display the day of the week in the elevators. How am I to know what day it is? I don't wear a watch that displays the date and my irrational fear of calenders precludes me from that simple solution. Without knowing the day of the week how ma I to know what underwear to put on in the morning. Could you imagine the social shunning I would receive if I wore Sundays underwear on a Friday. Oh the Gnomanity of it all! I guess I will have to ask our room attendant every time I wake up. Ahhhh, small sacrifices.

5/16/2010 And so it begins again.

2010-05-21T14:41:00.001-04:00

Once again my fine readers I am off on a cruise adventure with Mr. and Mrs. S, although, this cruise will be special. Not only am I visiting two ports of call that my Gnomish legs have never set foot on but I also have have the special pleasure of accompanying Serena on her first ever cruise! No one knows what to expect of this adventure. Will Serena enjoy her sea voyage? Will she be oblivious to what she is experiencing? Will she act like a Gnomistani tree cat where the mere sight of water throws them into a uncontrollable terror that the only thing that calms them down is the soothing melodies of the Gnomistani pan flute? Only time will tell.

Our first port is the city of Newporton the Island of Rhode. Mr. S tells me this was one of the original 13 colonies of the United States. This is very fascinating to me as I sort of an amateur history buff. Sadly, because of a very busy schedule the past two weeks, I have not been able to do my normal research on our upcoming ports of call. I am going to have to use my vast knowledge of cruising and a bit of Gnomish intuition to plan my adventure.

Based on what I have learned from all of my cruise adventures to date, all cruise ports that mention the word “Island” have been warm tropical paradises with beautiful beaches, warm sand, and tasty fruity drinks with small umbrellas. I can't see why the “Island of Rhode” would be any different. Based on this, I am packing my normal Caribbean attire: Hawaiian shirt, snorkel gear, beach umbrella, speedo, SPF 185 sunblock (gnomes have very fare skin. On more than one occasion we have burst into flames on sunny days) and finally, my three piece steel drum set.

Let the adventure begin!

4-04-2010 Peep Cup Challenge

2010-04-04T12:55:00.000-04:00

Mr. and Mrs. S invited me to come along with them on a journey to New Jersey to visit Mr. S's family for Easter. I was very excited as I not only love to see Mr. S's family but I also love long car rides. The longer, the better. They remind me of the car rides I used to take with my family on the country roads. We used to pile into the car, load up the back seat with snacks, and head off to the horizon. I would take it upon myself to entertain the family by singing the traditional travel song “1000 pouches of peeps.” I'm sure you have heard it before...if not here it goes: “1000 pouches of peeps on the wall, 1000 pouches of peeps. When no one's around, you gobble one down. 999 pouches of peeps on the wall.” I would sing and sing at the top of my voice, making sure that everyone could hear. I sang so well that one day, many hundreds of miles from my home, my parents suggested that I get out of the car at the rest stop and entertain the locals. I was thrilled to be able to share my gift with strangers. I climbed up on the highest rock and called the crowd closer. I then proceeded to belt out the most beautiful rendition you have ever heard. In fact, I saw several people weeping as I reached the three hour mark of the song. After it was over, I went back toward my family's car but was unable to find it. I assumed that this was yet another one of our marathon Hide-and-Go-Seek games that we sometimes play. These games have lasted for weeks in the past. Well, nine days later I found my family at home. Boy were they surprised when I found them. I heard they exclaim, through tearful sobs, “How does he keep finding us!”

I refrained from singing on this trip because I didn't want to wake up Serena. Mr. and Mrs. S seemed very happy with my decision.

This year I felt honored to witness a family tradition in Mr. S's family. Every year, at the Easter gathering, the family brings out their best Easter peeps and stage elaborate competitions. The first year they engaged the peeps against each other in a jousting tournament. Two years ago it was peep auto racing. Last year the peeps raced on rubber band powered airplanes. This year...we don't know yet. The competition is being kept a secret. Each year's competition is planned out by the “Peep Master” whom is selected at the previous Easter. The Peep Master is in charge of deciding the next year's competition which remains secret until competition time. Each year the competition becomes more and more elaborate.

I must admit, I am a little scared. I have no idea what to expect but one thing is for sure...Mr. S's family + excessive amounts of sugar = lots of fun!

3-28-2010 I thought this was outlawed

2010-04-01T22:27:00.004-04:00

Today I witnessed something that I had thought had been abolished decades ago. I am normally a very stoic gnome but this caused me break into a rage unseen since....since....I don't know when.

Let me provide you with some background. Many centuries ago, the gnomes in my homeland were enslaved by a ruthless warlord named Vlad the Sneaky. Vlad took control of Gnomistan not through an invasion but more through trickery. One day, Vlad arrived at the capital and told the capital security that there was a cat stuck in a tree. Knowing that all Gnomes had a weakness for felines in distress, all of the building security rushed to the cats aid. While distracted, Vlad sneaked into the capital, found the original Gnomistani constitution, and wrote “Vlad is the boss”. When the guards came back into the building, Vlad pointed to the constitution and declared himself the ruler. Without knowing enough about constitutional law to disprove it, the guards had to go along.

One of Vlad's passions was his love of bowling. Before his ascension to the throne, Vlad was a finalist on the hit TV show “Bowling with the Stars” and nearly went pro. Once in power he soon became bored with traditional Gnomistani bowling. To spice things up, he began forcing his gardeners to stand in for the pins and instead of using a normal bowling ball he now used a surplus wrecking ball. Because the ball was so heavy, Vlad changed the game again so that instead of a flat lane with gutters on each side it was now a sloped hillside with motes filled with piranha. The gardeners had no where to go. In front of them was a speeding wrecking ball and to each side was a mote filled with piranhas. The goal of the game became to crushing as many Gnomes as possible. Many, many Gnomes were killed to entertain the king. This barbaric sport continued for another 45 years until the then current king, Igor the Stubby (Vlad's son) was ousted in a coup set in motion by his order to suspend Saturday mail delivery.

I had always thought this horrible chapter of our history was behind us, but, alas, I was wrong. This past weekend Mr. and Mrs. S brought out a new “game” that had been given to them over the holidays. Always ready to show off my keen mind and catlike reflexes, I happily agreed to play. To my horror I witnessed Mr. S arrange six of my fellow countrymen in a triangle and Mrs. S hurl a large ball at them, knocking five of them about the room. I cried out for them to stop but it was too late. Mrs. S, with her second throw, toppled the last brave Gnome. I have never felt so saddened and enraged. Even my normally stoic friend Steely-Eyed had a tear in his eye. He said it was just a brain leak, but I know better. As soon as the balls stopped rolling, I sprinted to my fallen brothers to see if I could be of some assistance. To my surprise they were made of plastic! Imagine that, life sized Gnomes made out of plastic. I called Mr. and Mrs. S over and explained the historical significance of this game and why they must stop playing immediately. They agreed right away.

Mrs. S about to bring the pain

My brother Gnomes stand their ground

I survey the carnage. It wasn't pretty

Gnomes of the world unite!

3-25-2010 Mea culpa

2010-03-30T09:29:00.001-04:00

My good readers, I am here with my head held low in shame. It seems that in the excitement of the moment I may have divulged more information than I should have. Several days ago I told a “story” about a “fictional” car ride across the Peak to Peak highway in Colorado. Several readers were concerned that Mr. S's sister Kim may have been speeding and gotten pulled over by the local law enforcement. Well readers, I forgot to include a very important disclaimer at the beginning of the story. Thanks to my many years of watching Law and Order, and one brief cameo in 1996, I should have known to include the following:

"Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event."

To sum up, I did not mean to imply that Kim was pulled over for speeding. The story was fictional....yeah, that's it....fictional.

3-22-2010 All good things must come to an end.

2010-03-24T23:04:00.001-04:00

Well, my good readers, my four day adventure in Colorado is coming to an end. As I write this, I am somewhere over the heartland of America. Thanks to a bit of quick thinking, my rugged good looks, and a few well-timed compliments, I was able to talk myself into a first class upgrade for the flight home. Poor Mr. S, I almost feel bad for him sitting back in coach. I'm sure the free champagne and fresh baked cookies will get me over it.

3-22-2010 Running afoul of the law

2010-03-24T22:57:00.004-04:00

Today is my last day in the beautiful state of Colorado. We had a planned a relatively low key day of sightseeing across the Peak to Peak Highway and then down to to the concert arena at Red Rocks.

Somewhere on the Peak to Peak Highway we ran into a little trouble. I was peacefully sleeping in Mr. S's backpack as I had a long night of partying with two lawn gnomes I met outside Kim's apartment. Word of caution, unless you are used to the lack of oxygen in Colorado, do NOT attempt to go shot for shot with the locals. It will only end badly. I woke up this morning, upside down, in an empty Jagermeister bottle. As I was saying, I was sleeping soundly when out of nowhere we saw flashing lights behind us and a police siren. Kim and Mr. S were calm but I froze like a statue in fear. Remember how I mentioned that I had a bench warrant out for me in Omaha (no, I will not get into any details)? Well, in my Jager-induced haze, I thought that the Federalies were after me! I quickly dropped down into the backpack and hid myself under Mr S's camera. I feared I was doomed! I could see out of a small hole in the bag as the Federalies approached the car. I couldn't hear what was being said but my keen lip reading skills helped me process the situation. This is what I could make out:

Federalies: “Are you transporting any fugitive gnomes in this vehicle ma'am?”
Kim: “No, officer, it is just the two of us humans.”
Federalies: “Are you sure? Harboring a fugitive Gnome is punishable by five years in prison and revocation of all privileges in the Gnomistani Jelly of the Month Club.”
Kim: “Is this fugitive Gnome dangerous?
Federalies: “ Yes ma'am, he is accused of **** Censored ***** in the city of Omaha.”
Kim: “ Oh my, I will be sure to call the police if I spot him.”
Federalies: “ Very good, Ma'am. Have a good day.”

This is how I remember the situation. Of course, it could have just been that Kim was speeding...I can't be sure. The lesson is...don't drink Jager at high altitudes unless you bring an oxygen tank with you.

Our big stop of the day was at Red Rocks amphitheater. This place was amazing! It was built into the side of a hill and has hosted some of the biggest musical acts from the Beatles to Ozzy Ozborne. I can't even begin to imagine how this place must sound when it is fully packed. I talked to one of the event organizers about the possibility of getting the Gnomistani National Ukulele Orchestra to play here but he said the schedule was full for years to come. I think they might still have reservations about allowing any Gnomistani group to play at the theater after the 1976 incident. To this day I still contend that the rock slide wasn't the fault of the 500 member Gnomistani yodeling team.

Anyway, here are a few photos from today's adventure.

Hello Cleveland!

3-21-2010 The gang goes to the zoo

2010-03-24T22:50:00.002-04:00

After leaving the Garden of the Gods and grabbing a quick lunch, we decided to find another activity nearby. Kim suggested that we visit the Air Force Academy and Mr. S seemed interested as well. I, on the other hand, refused to go. Kim and Mr. S seemed confused so I was forced to explain my reluctance. Ever since an unfortunate childhood incident when I was caught in the middle of the University of Gnomistan's Bluejays Marching Band during the St. Gnomistrick's Day Parade, I have had a fear of large groups of men and women, dressed in blue, marching.

We decided to drive a few more miles south to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. I am a big fan of zoos. Many a day in my teen years back in Gnomistan, I would wander the local zoo observing the animals' behavior. I learned a lot about Gnomistan's native wildlife by simply observing these animals. For example, did you know that the jungle pig of the central rain forest can sprint at over 30 mph but for some strange quirk of evolution, cannot turn left? No matter where they are going they must get there in a series of right turns. (Fun fact: the CEO of the United Parcel Service observed the jungle pigs on a safari and revolutionized the shipping industry by copying their right-turn only philosophy.)

The zoo was a lot of fun. I was able to see lots of interesting animals, meet some nice people, and best of all, none of the animals tried to eat me! I can't stress how important that is to me. The three of us had such a great time that we closed the zoo. Mr. S and Kim were ready to leave but I wanted to stay. I put up such a fight that they had to call zoo security. I tried to hide behind stork but for some reason the guards were able to easily find me. I'm used to Gnomistani storks... they have much thicker legs.

Are you a Nittany Lion?

Gooood kitty. Stay. Staaaaay.

Now where did I put that picnic basket?

Kim makes a friend

3-21-2010 It's harvest time

2010-03-24T21:58:00.003-04:00

After the fun we had yesterday up in the mountains, I was on pins and needles to find out today's adventure. Mr. S said we were heading south past Denver to the Garden of the Gods. This intrigued me as I had never heard of this place. Mr. S wouldn't tell me anything else, he said it would be a surprise. Naturally my mind began to concoct all kinds of different ideas of what this place might be. I dreamed of rows and rows of religious statues sticking out of the ground ready to be harvested. I could even envision in my mind one farmer saying to the other “This year's crop of Buddhas are coming in nicely. Looks like the Easter Island statues are ready to harvest.” I know, I have a vivid imagination.

The Garden of the Gods turned out to be a beautiful park filled with massive red outcroppings that seemed to come out of nowhere. They were hundreds of feet tall, some nearly vertical, and simply breathtaking. They reminded me of some of the mountains back in my homeland. The mountains in one particular region of southern Gnomistan seemed normal by day but at night they seemed to glow a ghostly blue. For hundreds of years they were thought to posses magical properties allowing visitors to have visions of their futures. They were so revered that they were made a Gnomistani national landmark. It wasn't until two years ago that the secret of the mountains was revealed. The blue glow and visions were not magical. They were actually caused by a large deposit of natural gas under the mountains that would leak out of the ground at night causing the hallucinations. At least some good came from the discovery: the mountains now power Gnomistan's third largest city.

Look at me, I'm almost as tall as this mountain.

Pikes Peak doesn't look THAT tall.

The rocks....there everywhere.

3-20-2010 Let the fun begin!

2010-03-20T22:31:00.003-04:00

We decided that Friday we would stay in and relay. Partly our decision was dictated by the snow that fell all morning and afternoon and partly by my inability to adapt to not having air to breathe. Kim said that it takes several days for a normal person to adapt to the altitude. My friends, I am not a person....and for that matter, not normal. I realized that the symptoms of hypoxia are very similar to a hangover. I figured it was worth a try to use the tried and true Gnomistani hangover remedy. This remedy has been handed down from my father and from his fathers father and from his fathers, fathers, father. He got it from someone named Chuck Finley. I must warn you, this is not for the faint of heart. Try it at your own risk.

1.Drink 36oz. of water within 7 minutes
2.Take 1000mg of vitamin C
3.Find the hottest jalapeno pepper you can find and place it up your right nostril. Breathe deeply.
4.While standing on your left foot, sing the title song from “The Pirates of Penzance “
5.Vomit until you see god
6.Lather, rinse, repeat.

After a few rounds of treatment and a good night sleep I was cured! I woke up Saturday bubbling with energy and I was ready to attack the day. The weather was beautiful and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Our journeys tool us to Estes Park and Rocky Mountain National Park. Enjoy my photos.

On the road again. I can't wait to get on the road again.

Me outside the entrance to Estes Park

9240 feet!!! No wonder my ears feel like they are going to explode! I only wish Gnomes had the ability to yawn to pop their ears.

It might be the hypoxia talking, but this place is beautiful.

Me and Mr. S. at Bear Lake

Ummm, Hello? There is a Gnome stuck in the snow over here.

Oh yeah, we walked around the entire lake.

Mr. S., what's an avalanche? It's what! Get me the hell out of here!

3-19-2010 Ummm, I was told there was going to be air in Colorado.

2010-03-19T20:10:00.000-04:00

My good readers, are you aware that there is a widespread air shortage in this country? I was completely ignorant about this problem. I watch all the major news channels, read the Washington Post, and on occasion, visit an Oracle but I never heard a single mention of this national crisis. When we arrived in Denver I was feeling a tired and a little light headed. I assumed that I was just a bit jet lagged. When I awoke this morning I had a splitting headache and no energy. I immediately thought I had contracted a case of Gnomistani yelping sickness but since I did not have a swollen tongue, bloodshot eyes, and I wasn't suddenly reciting Shakespeare in Esperanto I dismissed that diagnosis. Kim said that it was the altitude that was making me feel this way and it was normal. Now, my good friends, when I was a lad I spent several months as a mountain tour guide in the mountains around my village. I know about working at high altitudes. I would climb the mountains several times a week and some times stay up there for days at a time. With the exception of the time I got into a drinking contest with the Swiss National Curling team I have never felt this bad.

The only logical conclusion I can draw is that, for some unknown reason, the area around Denver has lost a significant amount of air. I propose that this nation dedicate a significant portion of the national budget to building a wall around Denver to prevent more air from leaking out. If we do not control this problem soon not only will this area be without air but the entire local kite industry will go bankrupt.

3-18-2010 Rocky mountain high

2010-03-19T00:34:00.000-04:00

For those readers who are not aware, Mr. S's Sister, Kim, moved out to Colorado a few years ago. Ever since the move she has been asking Mr. S. to come out for a visit but between the kitchen remodeling, his work schedule, and the new baby it just never worked out. Much to Kim's surprise Mr. S. agreed to come out to visit this weekend.

So once again my readers you get to join me on another travel adventure. And once again I am forced to fly packed inside Mr. S's luggage. From what Mr. S. says it is some airline rule that any passengers under 12” tall must ride in a cramped suitcase, wrapped in a tshirt, and stuffed into the overhead compartment. I'm going to have to look this up when I get home.

3-17-2010 What a long strange trip its been.

2010-03-19T00:18:00.000-04:00

Greetings my loyal fans! You must be loyal fans as I have not posted an update in months and you still visit my site. Many of you have asked “ Where is Nittany?”, “Is Nittany OK?”, “Was Nittany kidnapped by members of the Trollistan mafia and forced to work in the salt mines of northern Trollistan badlands until his debt to the feared mafia boss 'Guido the vague' was paid off?” To answer everyone's questions....I am here, I am fine, and the less you know about my dealings with Guido the better.

When you last heard from me I was announcing the birth of Mr. and Mrs. S's baby girl Serena. I am happy to report that Serena is doing wonderfully. She is now 9 months old and growing faster than a weed. Well an American weed, not the Gnomistani weed. Gnomistani weeds tend to grow faster than your American counterparts due to our fertile soil, clean air, and an unfortunate industrial accident that released a large quantity of steroids into the watershed causing the local plant life to grow at unthinkable rates. One plant species became sentient and has even won three seats on the Gnomistani parliament. Predictably they are anti herbicide.

So you may be wondering what I have been doing over the past nine months. Well for the first three months I was fulfilling my role as a professional child care specialist. It started off well enough, Serena was very much like a Gnome baby. She slept often, cried randomly, and did not all the words to Frank Sinatra's song “Mack the Knife”. Then the fun began. First, let me say that Serena is a wonderful child. I would not want to help raise any child but her. Now that I have said that I must confess that Serena did do one thing that I was not prepared for. When she became upset she emitted a sound at such a high intensity that some of my relatives back in Gnomistan have reported hearing it. And it's not just a single cry. She has been known to scream for no reason for hours on end, only to stop just as quickly and fall asleep. I wasn't able to sleep for over two weeks! It is well known that Gnomes need their beauty sleep. Wars have even been started because the Gnomistani Prime Minister didn't get enough sleep and was cranky. Thankfully the crying didn't last very long and as quickly as it started, it was gone.

I realized that Mr. and Mrs. had a good handle on parenting so with their blessing I took a vacation. I had planned on only being away for two weeks but my adventure lasted nearly five months. I promise to tell you all about my adventure in the future but right now I cannot. I am bound by a gag order, three cease and desist notices, and , for reasons I will NOT reveal, a bench warrant in Omaha.

6-16-09 You've come a long way, baby

2009-06-16T01:25:00.003-04:00

It is hard to believe that three days ago at this time I was coaching Mrs S. through her delivery. Just thinking back to that moment brings a quiver of joy to my normally stoic face.

Serena is doing wonderfully thanks to the wonderful care given to her by Mr. and Mrs. S and the staff at the hospital. She is healthy, happy, and has one of the strongest set of lungs on her I have seen since the Gnomistani underwater bagpipe festival of 1997. It is truly amazing that someone so small can produce a noise so loud and piercing that it would shatter wine glasses a mile away. Serena also likes to look up and stare into your eyes when she is being held. Mr. and Mrs. S throught this was absolutely adorable. I, on the other hand, took it is as a challenge for a good old fashion Gnome-staring contest. Gnomes are known around the world as one of the world leaders in the art of the staring contest. The only ones better at staring contests in the world are the gargoils. They were so good infact that they were officially banned from international competion a few years back. Now Gnomes are very good at staring contests but I met my match with Serena. A mere 30 seconds into our contest and her big eyes melted my resolve and I crumbled. She has bested me this time, but, as a famous California governer once said, "I'll be back."

Enough about me. You have come here to read about Serena, not my staring shortfalls.

Serena met her other set of grandparents today for the first time. Mr. S's parents came down from New Jersey. They were so excited to meet her for the first time. I think we are going to have a hard time keeping Mr. S's mom from snatching up Serena and not wanting to give her back!

Here are some pictures from the past couple of days.

Isn't she cute when she sleeps...when she sleeps

A very happy mommy

A great daddy

And now the grandparents!
Pop pop

Nana

Grandma

Grandpa.....He's shy

6-13-09 What a perfect baby

2009-06-14T00:52:00.003-04:00

I would like to formally announce the birth of Mr. and Mrs. S beautiful baby girl, Serena Nicole, at 4:27 am on June 13th. I have had numerous people asking me to post some of the babies stats, like weight, length, etc. I dug out my copy of the official Gnomistani birth registry spreadsheet and filled out the values appropriately. These may differ slightly from what you are used to in America but I will make any additions/correction you would like.

Name: Serena Nicole
Gender: Female
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class : Mammalia
Order: Primates
Family: Hominidae
Genus: Homo
Species: Homo Sapiens
Time of birth: 4:27am, June 13th
Age: 0
Length: 0.0025883838383914995 Furlongs
Diameter: n/a (baby was not born cylindrical)
Weight (on Jupiter): 19 lbs 5oz
Energy: 3.04612734 x 1016 Joules (assuming 100% mass to energy conversion)
Witch evaluation: Negative. Baby did not weight the same as a duck and therefor was not made of wood
Top speed: n/a baby would not complete the required speed course
Occupation: Diaper tester

As more information becomes available I will pass it along.

Now for a few snapshots to pass along.

What a cute baby!

Even cuter !

The happy mother

and father.

6-13-09 12:00am The future grandparents

2009-06-12T23:24:00.003-04:00

One of my jobs in assisting the delivery is talking to the loved ones and answering any questions they have. Mrs. S's parents arrived a few hours ago from Pennsylvania. We had a lovely chat about everything from the weather to this strange sport you Americans play called hockey. Apparently the local team called "The Penns" were battling a group called "The Redwings". This savage yet graceful competition ended with a victory for the Penns. Mrs. S said " The burg is now the city of champs, n'at" I think Steely-Eye Gnomanski is starting to rub off on her.

Anyway, another update. Mrs. S is at 10 cm and all looks good. Probably won't go past 2am

10pm ... nothing new to report

2009-06-12T22:11:00.002-04:00

8cm dilated and the contractions are 2-3 minutes apart.

6-12-09 7pm All is well

2009-06-12T19:16:00.002-04:00

Under my expert guidance I helped with the epidural thus relieving Mrs. S's pain. I do think that your American medicine is amazing. Back in Gnomistan we just give the mother a shot of Gnomistani wiskeyand a leather strap to bite down on.

6-12-09 Well......It's Time!

2009-06-12T17:34:00.005-04:00

6-12-09 Well......It's Time!
The day is upon us, Mrs. S is in labor. The three of us are at the hospital and everything is progressing normally.

I was able to find a nice pair of scrubs that fit.

Mrs. S is doing wonderfully...under my expert supervision.

5-20-09 Now that is one powerful flash!

2009-05-24T20:39:00.002-04:00

Since I am now allowed to post information about the new upcoming bundle of joy, I have some catching up to do. As I mentioned in my last post, I am a trained professional baby care specialist. Part of my training was in helping to determine the health of an unborn baby gnome. Back in Gnomistan, our hospitals were not as technologically advanced as your American hospitals. We didn't have fancy ultrasound machines like you do. Instead we used a specialized machine called a “Peek-a-boo 3000xsi”. This machine may sound incredibly advanced, but it works on a very simple concept that has evolved over many years. First, the expectant mother stands in front of the doctor who would stare intently at her belly. Next, a group of between 20 to 30 gnomes, depending on the size of the mother, would stand behind the mother holding camera flashes. In unison, all of the assistants would fire their flashes shining the light straight through the mother. For a split second the doctor would be able to see the baby while still inside the mother. This test is very useful to the doctor but can be very traumatic to the baby. As a rule, gnomes are very shy about their bodies and are horrified of the thought of having their picture taken when they aren't looking their best. Having this test done, while medically necessary, can cause a life-long fear of camera flashes. To this day, gnomes will often run away screaming when they see a camera and is why they never...ever...go to raves.

Now back to the upcoming baby. Mrs. S gave me permission to post a few of her ultrasound scans of her new baby. You have to use your imagination to see the baby in some of the shots but they are pretty cool none the less. Enjoy!

November 2008

January 2009

April 2009

5-15-09 Where did Nittany go?

2009-05-24T17:37:00.001-04:00

Many of my readers have wondered, “Where has Nittany gone?” First, I would like to quell some rumors that have been circulating on the Interweb.

1.I have not been abducted.
2.I was not deported back to Gnomistan.
3.I did not lose all my money betting on the Kentucky Derby and have to find work as a lawn ornament. (How degrading!).
4.I did not become trapped under the tile floor of the kitchen
5.My cousin Veto did not convince me to join him in his recent, ummmmm, let's call them “wealth redistribution activities. ”

No, the truth is much more exciting! I am going to become an Uncle! Well, more of an honorary Uncle. You see, Mrs. S is pregnant! I couldn't believe my ears! Back in Gnomistan, I was part of a large family. I have eight siblings, all girls, and I loved them all, except one (you know who you are). I love children. One of my many, many jobs was as a professional baby care specialist. I am certified in diaper changing, rattle rattling, and am fluent in four dialects of baby gibberish. I also am fully versed in the literary works of Dr. Seuss and I was on the short list to become one of the Teletubbies.

With the baby on the way, I focused all of my efforts on getting ready for the joyous event. It will be up to Mr. S to finish the kitchen. I have found him to be a very competent apprentice so I think he will do fine on his own. I have told Mr. S to get cracking and post a few updated pictures so hopefully he will.

3-2-2009 Snooooooooooooooooooooooooow!

2009-03-13T00:05:00.004-04:00

Monday was going to be a normal day for me. I was going to get out of bed around 10 a.m., shower, and grab some breakfast while I read the Gnomistani Post-Tribune-Times-Chronicle-Gazetteer. I do this routine every day, like clockwork. This morning something was amiss. Mr. and Mrs. S had not left for work when I got out of bed. I checked the calender and it wasn't a weekend or a national holiday. With my mind still in its midmorning fog, I opened the blinds to let in some light. I fell back, blinded by the overwhelming intensity of the light. Had the earth moved closer to the sun overnight? Were the police in a helicopter outside my window waiting to arrest me for that overdue library book? Had I overdosed on allergy medication last night and awoken in heaven? I fought my way back to my feet and gazed through the window again. It was...snow! I had heard stories about snow in my childhood but had never seen it in person. I honestly thought it was a legend that parents used to scare children.

Now some of you may be saying “Liar! You saw snow in Alaska!” This is incorrect, I saw ice in Alaska. Gnomistan has ice, too, lots of ice. In fact the entire northern fifth of the country is covered in ice. But the ice doesn't come from snow, it comes from Greenland. Bear with me. Early Gnomistan had no ice in the Northern region. Around the 11th century AD, a band of Vikings from Greenland landed on the Northern coast. There they discovered a small village of Gnome farmers who welcomed them with open arms. The legend says that the Vikings were very kind people but they had a problem, their heads got cold in the arctic. The Gnomes of that village were excellent hat makers and agreed to trade with the Vikings. The village was having a rough summer that year. The heat scorched the ground, the lakes had nearly dried up, and the regions once thriving snow-cone industry was in shambles. The Vikings agreed to provide them with ice in exchange for warm headgear. So on that fateful day a deal was struck. The Vikings would deliver ice to the Gnomes and the Gnomes would provide them with fur-lined helmets with large stylish horns. All was well for the first 50 years but soon they had more ice than they needed. Every year the Vikings would deliver boat loads to the north country whether it was needed or not. Eventually it covered the entire landscape. To this day the people of Greenland load up their boats and deliver acres of ice every year, despite multiple official requests to stop.

Back to the snow. Mr. S and Mrs. S spent the day at home because it was too dangerous to venture out. Mr. S had one of the region's infamous snow days but Mrs. S had to work from home. Mr. S said that we had nearly seven inches but I didn't believe him. He encouraged me to go outside with him and see for myself as he shoveled the driveway and sidewalks but I was skeptical. Seven inches is A LOT of snow for a gnome. I finally mustered the courage to check out the snow on the deck, thinking this was safer. If I sank down to the bottom of the snow and couldn't climb my way back to the top, perhaps I could burrow over to the railing and squeeze through the spindles. Always have an exit plan, my friends.

The snow was incredible. So soft and fluffy and COLD. I could have stayed out in it all day but Mrs. S became concerned when I started turning blue. She insisted that I come in and partake in some hot cocoa. Between you and me, she's been acting out a bit odd lately...very protective, and something else that I can't quite put my finger on.

Ok, don't panic. What would MacGyver do?

At least I'm trapped on something that looks pretty.

My winter wonderland.

2-28-09 Painting party

2009-03-12T23:59:00.003-04:00

After a painstakingly long search, Mr. and Mrs. S FINALLY settled on paint colors. For weeks they had brought home paint chips and compared them to the color of their future cabinets. One day while they were at work, I thought I would lend them a hand and help them pick out a color. I brought all the chips into the living room, set them on the floor, and stared...and stared...and stared. They all looked the same! I swear they had 20 paint chips with the exact same color but different names. I suddenly flashed back to sixth grade in my Gnomistan history class and it all made sense. You see my loyal readers, Gnomistan was not always the enlightened and stable country it is today. In fact, we were quite reactionary when it came to certain issues. 319 years ago Gnomistan went through what you might call “the dark ages.” The government felt threatened by the country's flourishing water color painting movement so they cracked down on their citizens. Now the details are kind of sketchy from that period but most historians believe that government closed down all the art studios, broke and banned every paint brush smaller than two inches wide, and most horrifically, banned bright colors. They came out with the “official” color pallet for the country that consisted of only 38 colors. It was even worse than your modern home owners association's! The color pallet wasn't even well thought-out. Seven of the 38 colors were outside the range of a Gnome's eye sight and 4 of them were versions of clear! Over time our eyes evolved to only be able to see those 38 shades. Scientists are working on the problem but the cure is thought to be years away. But since we can only see a small part of the color spectrum, we gnomes developed a keen sense of discerning the minute differences between what to others would appear as virtually the same color. I called upon this evolutionary advantage to pick the paint colors for the kitchen, laundry room and powder room. At least, that's what I told Mr. and Mrs. S when they returned from work. Don't tell them but I really just picked the colors with the prettiest names.

So with the colors picked, the paint purchased, and the rollers at the ready, we began the great painting adventure. Mr. S's mother and father came down to join the fun. I, myself, was not going to participate in the painting. I have had a life-long fear of paint brush bristles that stems from an unfortunate art class tickling incident. Now every time I see a paint brush, I break out into a cold sweat and hide under the nearest table. Hence, I was content on being the foregnome on this job as we had more than enough people to help. And what progress they made! They finished all of the priming and the painting of the ceilings.

Don't you look at me...Get back to work!

This roller is WAY to big for me

Nittany Gnome: Protector of the paint

2-27-09 Kitchen recap

2009-03-07T21:47:00.001-05:00

I have been getting many requests from my loyal readers for a kitchen progress update. I apologize for not posting more often but Mr. S is a real slave driver. He has me working every night until 1am and every waking hour of the weekends. I feel like a zombie. A Gnome needs his beauty sleep!

Well here is what has happened...

The drywall is all up and finished. Hanging the drywall wasn't that hard. Measure, cut, balance on the point of my head, screw in place. Couldn't have been simpler. Finishing the drywall was another story. Mr. S introduced me to something called “Joint Compound”. This was something I have never seen before. It seems you add water to the dusty powder and mix until it is the consistency of the butter made from the milk of a Jar-Gin beast. Mr. S showed me how to spread it onto the walls nice and smooth to fill in the gaps between sheets. This was actually fun! In Gnomistan the local building code calls for the gaps to be filled in with something closely resembling the consistency of chicken noodle soup. This is a great improvement. After two nights we had all the holes filled and the joints sealed. I really enjoyed the work! I stood back and admired my work looking forward to my next project. As I put away our tools Mr. S looked confused. I had thought our job was done, Mr. S had different ideas. He informed me that we had just completed the first coat and there were 2 to 3 coats to go! This broke my little gnome heart. We worked and worked for what seemed like an eternity. And please don't get me started about the dust! I don't understand why after spending days and days putting the joint compound on the walls we started sanding it off. I questioned Mr. S about this but he gave me a very nasty look. He looked very scary covered head to toe in white dust that I dare not anger him. If all this work wasn't bad enough the dust was the most vile substance known to man and Gnome. It sucks all the moisture from you skin and makes you look 80 years older. Three weeks and roughly 80 pounds of joint compound later the job was finished. I didn't like the work as much any more.

For the next few days Mr. S and I cleaned the entire room top to bottom. Mr. S washed the ceiling, removing the last of the vile dust while I washed the walls and floor. You might notice that I am doing more cleaning than Mr. S. The short answer is that I upset Mr. and Mrs. S the other day and this is my punishment. The long story is...well...long. Let's just say it involved a belt sander, sugar free Jello, the fine men and women of the Air National Guard, and a BIG misunderstanding. I would tell you more but I'm under a national security gag order. Ask me again in 30 years.

So the walls are clean, all the holes are patched, and the surface is ready for paint. One more thing to cross off of our list!

Long, Lost Post

2009-02-21T18:23:00.004-05:00

Cheerio, dear readers!

I realize that you're waiting with baited breath to learn more about the kitchen renovation and why Steely-Eyed hasn't commented on the Super Steelers. But before we get to those topics, you'll have to indulge me with this blast from the past. You see during our cruise to Bermuda last May, I did extensive research on this phenomenon known as "karaoke." When Mr. and Mrs. S invited me along to check out the karaoke acts one night, I was very surprised. In Gnomistan, karaoke is a form of punishment reserved for those convicted of tax evasion, jay walking, and people who call three-tined objects forks. I couldn't imagine voluntarily attending a karaoke session what with the choruses of wailing cats and extended Vogon poetry monologues. Much to my surprise, the American version of karaoke differs very little, only here it is a quasi-form of entertainment. If people are going to continue to seek out karaoke for "fun," some ground rules must be established.

Nittany Gnome's Rules for Selecting Karaoke Songs

Chics should pick with caution. Very few have the power and range of Janis Joplin.
Ballads are just a bad idea.
Audience participation is a must.
No 60's protest songs.
The karaoke singer must be a special kind of drunk...not too sloppy, but not too sober either.
When choosing a slow song, see Rule #2.
Don't overestimate the sway factor. It lasts 10 bars max. Your drunk audience has a short attention span. If the majority of the audience is sober, well you're just screwed.
Know your crowd, i.e. no war protest songs in the south.
Groups can be good. Duets can be bad, really bad.
Consider Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach. Don't laugh, I'm serious.
When at the mic, stick to songs. Leave the jokes to the professionals.
Irish pub songs rule.
See # 12.
Posses are good. They can make a mediocre performance a success.

A Note from Nittany about Pittsburghese

2009-01-29T21:23:00.002-05:00

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that some of you had a wee bit of difficulty understanding Steely-Eyed’s recent post. Since the Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl bound, Steely-Eyed may have more contributions in the days leading up to the big game. So I thought it best for me to offer an explanation of Steely-Eyed’s manner of speaking and writing.

Steely-Eyed is a descendant of the great gnome tribe of Western Pennsylvania, Yinzus Gnomus. After hundreds of years of mixing with the locals, the Yinzus Gnomus have adopted the local dialect, Pittsburghese. According to the English department at Carnegie Mellon University:

Many people in Pittsburgh and western Pennsylvania think that there is a distinctive dialect of English spoken in this area, which they call "Pittsburghese." When people in this area talk about "Pittsburghese," they often mention words like "yinz," "slippy" and "nebby," sounds like the vowel in "aht" (out) or "dahntahn" (downtown), and expressions like "n’at."

The late, great Steelers announcer Myron Cope was one of the most famous purveyors of Pittsburghese. With the Super Bowl fast approaching, here are some examples of Pittsburghese sports talk.

Here are some common nouns and verbs.

And last but not least, an excellent example of Pittsburghese was left as a comment by Mrs. S's brother on this very blog:

Yoi Steely-Eyed!

After yunz get dun reddin up dahn there, come on dahntahn and i'll buy yinz an arn and a chipped ham hoagie, n'at. Just lemme know when yunz are prolly gonna be here so i can run dahn to the sahside to the jynt igl and get some pop, sketti, n'at. Gotta go, need ta worsh my gutchies.

HERE WE GO STILLERS... N'AT!

That translates to:

Hey, Steely-Eyed!

After you are done cleaning up down there, come on downtown and I'll buy you an iron (likely short for an Iron City Light, a popular local beer) and a ham (chipped ham was invented in Pittsburgh and is a local delicacy) sandwich. Just let me know when you are probably going to be here so I can run down to the Southside (a section of Pittsburgh) to the Giant Eagle (a popular local grocery chain) and get some soda pop, spaghetti, and other stuff. I gotta go, I need to wash my underwear.

I do hope that clears some things up.

More progress pictures

2009-01-25T23:12:00.005-05:00

I know, I know. Everybody has been pestering me about posting an update with some pictures. Well here you go. I made three panoramic pictures of the kitchen in various stages of destruction/reconstruction. Click on each picture to see a larger view. Hope you enjoy!

The bare kitchen. All the walls are down, the insulation is out, and the ceiling is down.

The wall and ceiling insulation is back up and the laundry room is framed in.

Progress! All the drywall is in place.

Kitchen drywall update

2009-01-14T13:41:00.005-05:00

Well after many requests from my fans (all four of you) I am posting another batch of kitchen remodeling pictures. Today's installment, drywalling the walls. So far everything has gone well. It has taken me a while to get this far as a consequence of my short stature. If you think installing drywall is time consuming for normal people image how hard it is when you are only ten inches tall. Every time I want to add another screw I have to set up a complex scaffolding system that reminds me of skyscraper. If that was not bad enough, Mr. S occasionally flaunts his height by screwing in an entire sheet in 5 minutes! He doesn't even need a ladder! Well enough of my ranting...here are the pictures.

Inside of the new laundry room

Outside of laundry room

Beginning the back wall

Back wall is finished!

Side wall is finished...I've been a busy Gnome!

Removing the old garage door

This is my favorite memory. Mr. S, while trying to help me the other day, accidentally drywalled himself inside the garage. He had been getting on my nerves that day so I didn't feel like letting him out. He does seem kind of helpless and sad in there. He stayed in the garage for hours until, late that night, he realized that there was another door to the kitchen and he escaped his prison.

The old door is completely closed off

1-11-09 Game thoughts from Steely-Eyed

2009-01-11T21:41:00.001-05:00

Loving dis old school Stillers football. A running game? Awesome. A touchdown scored by a running back with a fullback escort? Beautiful. Rushing the ball to set up the pass? Incredible. The punt return for a TD wuz nice too.

Ball control offense...that's what I'm talk'n 'bout. The Black n' Gold offense done took eight minutes off the clock to start off the third quarter. What a beaut!

Speechless...an interception after lil' Sproules' big kick off return. Just what the doctor ordered.

Coach Norv looks a wee bit scary on the sideline there.

Benji can even block!

Even da lackluster punter did good with his short punt that bounced off a Bolts' head.

Let da record show, SD only done did run ONE offensive play the entire 3rd quarter.

Woodley is a beast today.

Would've like a TD at da goal line...but can't disagree with Tomlin's call to go for it on 4th and inches.

Yet anudder missed holding call against da man covering Harrison. Unbelievable.

Well alls well dat ends well. Mrs. S should be quite da happy camper for da next week. She's already looking up recipes for stuffed raven.

Big tanks to Nittany for allowing me to guest blog today.

1-11-09 Observations from Steely-Eyed

2009-01-11T16:10:00.005-05:00

Hey there, how yinz doin'? To warm up for the Stillers game, I've been watchn' the Igles and the Gints n'at. Dis is what I think I thunk:

* The legendary Terry Bradshaw picked against the Stillers?!? Oh the gnomanity!

* With my suberb gnome lip reading ability, I saw Donovan McNabb say, "I didn't even know that intentional grounding from the endzone could result in a safety."

* So at nearly the end of the second quarter, I must point out that with the score Philadelphia 7, New York 8, provided that both teams only score a field goal, that this game could end in the second 11-10 score in NFL history. Particularly, noteworthy since today's Stillers-Bolts game is the rematch of the first such ending. Well, actually, as yinz know, the final shoulda bin 17-10 if the officials hadn't blown it n'at.

* Well, we did see 11-10 but it didn't last. The Blue Man Group outta put some points on da board before Philly puts the game beyond reach.

* Not looking good for Big Blue. Wowsers, dis far the home teams are 0-3...dat ain't a good omen for the Black n'Gold. Let's hope Ben n' da Boyz snap that trend.

* Humpf, the talk'n head on the teevee says that no game has ever ended in a final score of 23-11...historic ending after all n'at.

Depend'n on my state of mind, n'at, after the big showdown, I might post s'more...or I might not.

Go Stillers!!!!

1-11-09 – Final Christmas Wrap-Up

2009-01-11T15:58:00.007-05:00

Mrs. S tells me that I must finish up with my Christmas posts before it's MLK Day. In my defense, in Gnomistan we celebrate both regular western Christmas and Eastern Orthodox Christmas during an on-going mid-winter festival. Naturally, we put off gift-giving to the end in order to take advantage of the monster after (western) Christmas clearance sales. My point is that I'm really not that far behind!

Now to the pictures. This first album includes shots from our trip to New York City on Christmas Day. Be sure to check out the pictures from the Rockettes' performance at Radio City Hall. The ladies with the looong pretty legs were spectacular.

See the full album here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/31094302@N03/sets/72157612448636162

The second album is from our celebrations with Mrs. S's family in Western Pennsylvania. The highlight of this album is the adorable Master Landon, nephew of Mrs. S. I must admit, I am quite jealous that my cousin Gomer gets to live with Landon's family year-round. Master Landon was a lean, mean, present-opening machine.

See the full album here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31094302@N03/sets/72157612406841241/

1/7/09 - JoePa's Missing Glasses

2009-01-07T22:17:00.006-05:00

Well, I had high hopes for humanity in 2009 but already my gnome faith has been shaken. Who would steal JoePa's coke bottles? Did they really believe that his prescription would be an exact match for their eyes? Just another instance of why America needs to adopt a universal health care system like we have in Gnomistan.

1-3-09 It's drywall time!

2009-01-03T19:32:00.005-05:00

After many months of hard work it's time to REALLY start putting the kitchen back together. First up, drywall the ceiling. I enjoy this quite a bit. There is something fulfilling about putting up drywall. It really makes you feel like you are making progress. To speed things along, Mr. S rented a drywall lift to hoist and hold the sheets to the ceiling so we could screw them in. This makes the job go much faster than if you were trying to do it by hand. Mr. S joked that if we didn't rent the lift, we could just balance the sheet on our heads and screw it in. This might be an option for Mr. S as he is over six feet tall but as you may have noticed, I am on the short side. It would take dozens of gnomes standing on each others' shoulders to reach that high. As a point of fact, gnomes do not stack well. Once we get more than two gnomes high, we become very unstable. This is actually why Gnomistan is very underrepresented in international cheerleading competitions. We just can't form the required pyramids.

The work went very smoothly. Mr. S would measure the piece and I would cut it and load it onto the lift. Mr. S would raise the piece into place while I stood on a ladder and checked the alignment. By the time we finished the final piece, we were a well-oiled machine. I was so excited by our performance that I grabbed the nearest hammer and started ripping out the drywall of the family room! I wanted to do more! Mr. S had to tackle me and wrestle the hammer out of my hands. He wasn't too thrilled at doing more work than needed.

Me and the drywall lift

Our fearless leader

Ok, keep going...keep going...keep, no wait, ABORT! ABORT!

Some pictures of the progress

12-28-08 Christmas isn't always so jolly

2009-01-03T19:25:00.003-05:00

Now that Christmas is over, I feel I have to let the world know a sad secret about the holiday. Everyone thinks about Christmas as a joyous holiday where Santa brings everyone in the world just what they wanted. All of the glory goes to Santa Claus and his reindeer. No one ever gives a thought about where those toys come from--the elves. The airwaves are filled with pro-Santa propaganda during the holiday season but no one ever considers the plight of the poor elves. In fact, they have been exploited for their labor for centuries.

I had the occasion to talk to a few of the elves right after the holiday and they were more than willing to give me all the gory details. Even though the elves belong to a union (Toy Makers and Steamfitter Local 103), the fat man continues to overwork his workers to the point of cruelty. The elves have to work 364 days of the year only getting September 19th off for International Talk Like a Pirate day. These poor creatures work for 18 hours a day, every day. Santa also does not believe in automation. A large portion of their work could easily be automated but Santa considers this “laziness.” If it wasn't for the six union coffee breaks a day, the elves would never survive. And, let's not even talk about the poor working conditions. Every elf knowns about the tragic LightBright accident of 1983 that took the lives of 1477 in a matter of seconds.

So please remember, next year when you are asking Santa for your favorite toys, think of the Elves working behind the scenes slaving away to ensure your happiness. For more information about this issue, please listen to this song from the Barenaked Ladies. They sum it up better in one song than I could ever hope to. Elves Lament

12-25-08 If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere

2009-01-01T15:08:00.001-05:00

First, let me say “Merry Christmas.” For a gnome, there is no more special holiday than Christmas. Well, maybe Boxing Day...but Christmas is a close second. Hmm, I forgot Arbor Day. OK, Christmas is definitely in the top five.

For Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. S took Mr. S's mother and father into New York City for the day. Mr. S's mother had been wanting to see lights and the decorations for years, so we all went on a field trip. As a special treat, they arranged to see a performance of the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. After a few hours of begging, they agreed to take me with them. This was my first time in New York City and let me say it did not disappoint! I'm not used to cities with 7 million humans. The largest city in Gnomistan has a population of 3 million. And remember, we're gnomes. We don't take up that much space. In the space of a typical NYC studio apartment, we would would have housing for 1500 gnomes! After arriving in the city, we began taking in the sights. Everything in the city is big. The buildings...the subway...the pretzels. Even the Christmas ornaments were huge!

While I stood there in awe of the size of the city, Santa walked up to me and asked me for a picture. It seems that I am somewhat famous in the Santa community for my ability to control reindeer with only a glance. For some reason they are intimidated by me. Go figure.

After Santa and I parted ways, we made our way to Rockefeller Center to see the tree. The tree was breathtaking but I must admit it did look out of place. I can understand that during the Christmas season it looks beautiful when it is decorated, but what about the other eleven months? Do they decorate it with eggs for Easter? Do they hang pumpkins on it for Halloween? I guess it's already appropriately decorated for Arbor Day.

Not all was fun on this trip. A short distance from the tree, we witnessed a sad side of humanity. As thousands of onlookers gazed upon them, roughly one hundred poor souls ice skated endlessly in a circle. I can only image the crimes they must have committed to be forced into this ice spiral from hell. When I asked one of the onlookers what these people had done to deserve such a harsh punishment, she just stared at me with a vacant look in her eyes. She must have been as appalled as I was.

Finally, we made it to the show and my, oh my, was it spectacular! There was singing, dancing, comedy...you couldn't ask for more. And the dancers! Hubba Hubba! It was a treat for all the senses.

12-24-08 Random Christmas pictures

2008-12-31T23:17:00.005-05:00

and I want a puppy, a gnome-sized laptop, bottle of Gnomistani spiced rum.

Didn't I meet some of your smaller cousins last year?

Pop quiz: one of these three things is not like the other

Ok, Santa. Either you get me my puppy or I'm not moving. Just try me.

12-24-08 No, I would NOT like to buy insurance

2008-12-31T21:31:00.004-05:00

I saw the Aflac spokesduck on TV for the first time the other day. I thought it was a very funny and creative commercial. I would even consider buying supplemental insurance from them if I wasn't already covered by the Gnomistani universal health care plan. I was under the impression that you had to call them to buy one of their policies. Imagine my surprise when I was admiring Mr. S's family Christmas tree when I was ambushed by none other than the spokesduck! Talk about high pressure sales tactics! He wouldn't let me leave until he finished his FOUR HOUR sales pitch! On Christmas eve! I politely told him no, for the eighty-third time, and he finally got the message. I shook his wing and off he went.

12-24-08 So this is where cows come from!

2008-12-31T21:05:00.002-05:00

Cows are amazing animals. They're cute, gentle, tasty creatures. I have admired these graceful beasts ever since I was a young gnome roaming the countryside looking for adventure. I wandered a long time as there was very little excitement in the area. About the best we could hope for was watching the occasional prairie dog gang fight.

I have always wondered where cows came from. I have never seen a pregnant cow, or at least I don't think I have. Are cows born like other animals? Do they grow out of the ground like corn? Are they delivered from the sky like the mammoth ground slug of the badlands? No, my good readers. The answer is much simpler and thanks to Mr. S's mother I now have the answer. Cows are hatched from eggs. I bet you're glad you know this now.

12-14-08 I make this look gooooood

2008-12-14T20:51:00.006-05:00

Once the mailman came down from the tree, and after I apologized profusely, I received the package sent by Mr. S's mother. Christmas had come early! I was incredibly excited as I ripped open the package and tore off the wrapping paper. I was taken aback! I had never seen anything so beautiful! I immediately tried it on and haven't taken it off since. The three bulbs on the collar twinkle just like my eyes do!

12-13-08 I just cannot condone this behavior

2008-12-14T20:48:00.003-05:00

Wow...just, wow. I hereby denounce all the gnomes that participated in this shameless stunt.

http://weirdnews.about.com/od/weirdphotos/ig/Nazi-Garden-Gnomes/

12-12-08 Neither rain, nor snow, nor hidden gnome

2008-12-14T20:47:00.003-05:00

I hereby apologize to all our brave mail carriers who face all manner of danger while religiously delivering our credit card offers and Harbor Freight catalogs. Let me explain. Mr. S's mother told me to “watch the mail.” It seems this doesn't mean the same thing as it does in Gnomistan. Back in my homeland, when someone tells you to “watch the mail,” it is a signal that someone plans to play a practical joke on you. Gnomes are natural practical jokers but we often limit ourselves to fooling with our target's mailbox. I decided to hide out in our mailbox to surprise the would be practical joker. When the mailman opened the mailbox, I jumped out, pinched his nose, and screamed “got you!”. Terrified, the mail carrier jumped back screaming and ran as fast as he could down the street. They found him six hours later, 15 feet up a tree whimpering to himself “I see little blue men.”

12-9-08 Just a little update

2008-12-14T20:45:00.004-05:00

Here is a quick update to all my loyal readers...all three of you. All of the ceiling insulation is complete. About 95% of the wall insulation is complete. 90% of the wiring and plumbing are complete. Most of the laundry room is framed in including the pocket door. Now that I have seen and installed the pocket door, I understand more about them. When Mr. S first told me I would be installing a pocket door, I had no idea what he was talking about. He tried and tried to explain it me but I just couldn't grasp what he meant. I kept visualizing a door that was the size of pocket. Even if the pocket was large, say from an XXL Penn State sweatshirt, I just couldn't see how this would be useful to anyone but a gnome child. Now that I see that it's a full-size door, it all makes sense.

12-6-08 Safety second...achoo...I mean first.

2008-12-14T20:42:00.004-05:00

Always be safe while working. Wear safety glasses, a dust mask, and always be aware of your surroundings. And most importantly, if you are working up high, wear a safety harness. I'm thankful I remembered mine today. I was installing the pocket door track when I started sneezing. My sneezes tend to be rather forceful and I fell off the door header. If it hadn't been for my safety line, I would have cracked my head open! I got to contemplate how lucky I was all night as Mr. and Mrs. S had already gone to bed and didn't find me until morning.

12-3-08 This is my nail gun. There are many like it but this one is mine.

2008-12-14T20:39:00.004-05:00

To help in framing in the new laundry room, Mr. S bought a framing nail gun. I had never used a nail gun like this and was eager to give it a try. This should really speed up my work greatly. Framing has always been a tough profession for gnomes. If you haven't noticed, we have very short arms. It's hard to drive a nail when you can hardly swing a hammer. Back in Gnomistan, it is uncommon for houses to be held together with nails. Typically we use a glue made from a mixture of flour and water with strips of newspaper as reinforcement. It works surprisingly well, unless it rains.

My first attempt using the nail gun was not promising. I got the gun lined up, pulled the trigger...and then I blacked out. I came to a few seconds later all the way across the room lying on a pile of insulation. Mr. S was laughing hysterically. He said that when I pulled the trigger, the recoil sent me flying across the room! Thankfully the only thing that was hurt was my pride. I tried again, this time putting all my weight behind it. It still threw me but only half way across the room. At least this time the nail went in and the stud held in place. No matter how disturbing it is to be thrown across the room...it still beats hammering.

11-28-08 When the foreman is away, the Gnomes shall play

2008-12-14T20:37:00.001-05:00

While Mr. and Mrs. S were up in New Jersey (random thought, where is Old Jersey and why did we need a new one?), I was left at home to continue work on the kitchen. I had grand plans of finishing all of the insulation, electrical, and framing. Unfortunately, my plans never got very far. I had planned on getting a good night sleep and then working all day but that was not to be. I decided to watch a little TV during breakfast and discovered the most fascinating show. I believe it is called Law and Order.
I was only going to watch one episode and then get started working but then another episode came on. And then another...and another...and another. Before I knew what had happened, it was Friday afternoon. To my horror, Mr. and Mrs. S came home early. They found me in the living room with the remote in one hand and an empty bag of Oreos in the other--and a glazed look in my eyes. I have learned that not only is Law and Order an addictive show to watch but it seems to be on TV ALL THE TIME!

11-27-08 Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-12-14T20:35:00.001-05:00

I would like to wish all of my readers a happy Thanksgiving.

11-23-08 Back to work

2008-11-23T22:35:00.002-05:00

It took me longer to recover than expected after the Penn State victory yesterday. I decided to have a few drinks in honor of the poor fans who braved the roughly 20 degree weather to be in the stadium for the victory. Mr. S suggested I try a Long Island ice tea as this is one of his favorite drinks. Now I have never been to this Long Island but judging by their national drink (Long Island is a country, correct?) I do not want to mess with these people! If this is what they drink every day they are much stronger than I am. This morning, after clearing the cobwebs I remembered a quote I once heard, “Long Island Iced Tea…it’s a bad decision in every glass.” Now I understand.

I felt that I needed to accomplish something today, so I decided to finish up the attic insulation. After my unfortunate experience with the blown-in insulation, I wasn't looking forward to this project. Thankfully Mr. S bought fiberglass batts that were much easier to install. I was able to not only get the garage ceiling finished but I got a good start on the kitchen as well! Not a moment too soon I might add. It was 45 degrees all weekend in the kitchen. It's not easy finding a sweatshirt that fits me. I wish the stores in this area would carry a better selection of Gnome big and tall sizes.

11-22-08 I smell roses!

2008-11-23T22:14:00.002-05:00

3...2...1...Victory! I never knew American football could be this exciting! Mr. and Mrs. S could hardly contain their excitement. Oh the cheering, the celebrating, some would say caterwauling! What could bring about this moment of true joy? My adopted team, THE Penn State Nittany Lions will be playing in the Rose Bowl! I honestly don't know what this is but Mr. and Mrs. S say it is a very good thing. I am envisioning that come New Year's Day both teams will huddle on the playing field and over the course of the next 60 minutes battle it out to see who can make the most beautiful floral arrangement consisting exclusively of roses. While I think this will be beautiful, I just can't see how playing American football for three months can prepare you for this. Oh well, I guess I'll understand in about 6 weeks.

11-17-08 Random progress pictures

2008-11-17T21:20:00.004-05:00

While I'm not in all of these pictures, Mr. S wanted me to post some shots of our handy work. Enjoy.

The new radiant barrier

No more header leading into the kitchen.

All the new can lights

Grand view of the destruction..I mean Kitchen

I'm so taaaaalllllllllll

The view from the attic is GREAT with out the ceiling

No more door header.

11-16-08 Insulation, you are thy enemy

2008-11-17T21:17:00.001-05:00

I hate blown-in insulation. I mean, I really, really hate it. I would like to meet the person who invented it, stuff his clothing full of it, and force him to run a marathon...on a hot day...in really humid weather. It is the most vile substance to work around since the Gnomistani building inspectors made us switch from using construction adhesive to using previously chewed bubble gum (PCBG) scrapped off the underside of school children's desk as a bonding agent. What a truly horrible time that was! Mr. S needed some help in the attic installing some lights and he asked me to help. Now in his defense he did warn me to wear long sleeves and pants but I didn't listen. No, my Gnomish pride got the better of me. After working for only an hour I began to itch all over. No matter what I did, I could not make the itching stop! Finally, after taking three showers I stopped itching...two days later. In a fit of rage (oh yes, Gnomes are well-known for their fits of rage) I tore down all of the ceiling drywall and insulation. Mr. S was horrified at the mess I made but just as soon as the dust had settled, I cleaned up all the rubble and stored it in the garage. I even promised to personally repair all the drywall myself. Now, time to get back to work.

11-15-08 I have been a bad gnome

2008-11-17T21:15:00.000-05:00

I humbly apologize for failing to post to the blog for several weeks. After I returned from Alaska at the beginning of October, I threw myself back into the kitchen project. For weeks my days have consisted of breakfast, remodeling, brunch, remodeling, lunch, remodeling, snack break, remodeling, high tea, remodeling, dinner, story time, sleep. By the end of the night I can hardly keep my tiny eyes open! Even on the weekends I am working all day...sometimes I even skip high tea! For a gnome to miss high tea is unheard of. The tradition dates back to the Gnomistani tea party of 1773. It happened roughly a month after your Boston tea party but due to the poor communications of the day, we misunderstood the nature of the event. Instead of throwing tea into Boston harbor as a tax protest, we threw all our tea into a giant cloth bag and dipped it into a huge, tall cauldron of boiling water. From that day forth, every day we remember that event by making a cup of tea and toasting our forefathers. And so began the tradition of high tea. I'm sorry, I've drifted off topic. Anyway, I hereby promise to post more often.

San Francisco - Day 12

2008-10-11T11:17:00.002-04:00

Our last port, how sad. But what an amazing town! Mr. and Mrs. S may have left their hearts in San Francisco, but I left my wallet...Gnomes LOVE Ghirardelli!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Seattle - Day 10

2008-10-11T11:11:00.003-04:00

McDreamy in Seattle...seriously!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Inside Passage - Day 9

2008-10-11T11:07:00.003-04:00

Blue skies, golden sunsets, and black and white torpedoes of death...what more could a Gnome ask for? And all of this on Mr. and Mrs. S's "anniversary".

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Ketchikan - Day 8

2008-10-11T10:59:00.006-04:00

Although we did not find the "bridge to nowhere," we did see leaping salmon, frolicking birds, and Creek Street, the town's red light district.

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Ever have a day like this when it feels like you're swimming up stream?

Icy Strait Point - Day 7

2008-10-09T22:55:00.008-04:00

At Icy Strait Point, Mr. and Mrs. S attended an Alaskan fishing class while I checked out the local wildlife.

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Here is some video of the sea creatures that I befriended.

Juneau - Day 6

2008-10-08T23:12:00.003-04:00

Our helicopter flight out to Mendenhall glacier. Hope you enjoy!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Skagway - Day 5

2008-10-07T08:31:00.003-04:00

All Aboard! Join me on my adventure to Skagway, Alaska aboard the White Pass Railway.

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Hubbard Glacier - Day 4

2008-10-06T00:03:00.014-04:00

Ice, ice everywhere!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Thought you might also like to see some video of the glacier calving.

Sitka - Day 3

2008-10-05T23:38:00.005-04:00

Finally our first port of call! I needed to get off the ship and stretch my legs. I just had to be careful to watch for those eagles!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

At Sea - Day 2

2008-10-05T23:36:00.009-04:00

Here are the photos from our first full day at sea. Mr. S really seems to like taking pictures of the sky!

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

Vancouver - Day 1

2008-10-05T23:34:00.005-04:00

Mr. and Mrs. S have FINALLY organized some of the 3000 pictures they took. Here are the photos of Vancouver on day 1.

Please click on the image to see more pictures.

10-03-2008 De plane! De plane!

2008-10-03T16:41:00.001-04:00

Sadly it is now time to leave the ship which has been our home for the past 13 days. I have truly grown to like the ship and everyone I met aboard. But now, it is time to bid farewell. As is the traditional Gnomistani custom, I performed a farewell dance which consists of nine hours of ritual chanting and dancing naked around a tower of empty liquor bottles and bar receipts. It dates back to the early 1700s when a group of the original Gnomistani colonists celebrated their arrival in the new world by getting very intoxicated and running out on their large bar tab. I do love traditions. Mr. and Mrs. S were NOT happy about the chanting as we all had to get up early to leave the ship and get to the airport. They were particularly disturbed by the naked portion of the ritual. For some unknown reason Mr. S kept screaming “My eyes! My eyes!” Some times I don't understand Americans.

At the airport, we had a four hour wait before our flight departed so I decided to explore LAX. This is a very busy place! I have seen people from all corners of the globe, including my native Gnomistan. We chatted for hours about the homeland, local Gnomistani politics, and of course, the national pastime, poodle bowling. Finally it was time to board our flight. I was not nearly as frightened as I was two weeks ago. Mr. and Mrs. S were asleep shortly after we took off but I stayed awake the entire time. I started chatting with one of the stewardesses and we sort of hit it off. She seemed to have a thing for ruggedly handsome, foot tall world travelers. Coincidentally, she was working the charter flight three months ago that transported the Gnomistani poodle bowling team to the semifinals. She said the team's rowdiness is still talked about within flight attendant circles. They are even still trying to get the poodle fur out of the bathroom sinks. Once we landed, I said my farewells to the flight attendant and headed off for home, ending an amazing odyssey.

Well, that is all for now. Thank you all for following my adventures. I am going to take a day or two off to help Mr. and Mrs. S with their laundry but I will get many more pictures posted soon. Until then, Cheery O!

10-01-2008 And who is this handsome devil?

2008-10-02T18:32:00.003-04:00

Imagine my surprise while walking the streets of San Francisco when people started pointing and staring at me. I even had some paparazzi following me through the city. Now I know I am a well-known gnome in Gnomistan but I was hoping to remain anonymous in the States. Finally, I got so fed up with this behavior that I asked one of the gawkers point-blank why they were following me. She directed me to a bus parked near by. Thinking I was going to see one of my press photos from my role in the movie “Pirates of Gnomistan: Where Are We?”, I was shocked to find another gnomes' face on the side of the bus. Now I ask my readers, does this gnome look ANYTHING like me?

10-01-2008 I feel like Sean Connery

2008-10-02T18:29:00.004-04:00

We arrived at our final port of call today, San Francisco. Neither Mr. and Mrs. S nor I had ever been to the city so we were all very excited. After disembarking the ship, we went off on a tour of Alcatraz. We wandered the prison grounds and followed a fantastic tour put on by the National Parks Department. Apparently during the entire tour, I had a little smirk on my face. Finally Mr. S asked me what was on my mind. Well, my readers, I have a secret: this was not the first time I was in an inescapable prison...and the last time, I wasn't there as a tourist.
Brace yourself, my readers, you're in for a wild ride. In my life I have had many jobs: travel companion, plumber, trained assassin, among others. One of my most interesting jobs was acting as a “secret inmate” to help test prison security. I was asked to spend a week in a new state-of-the-art prison located in Gnomistan's prison district to help find any security weaknesses. Unfortunately, due to a snafu in the computer system of the the Department of Prison Testing and Animal Husbandry, my status as a “secret inmate” was lost. My only chance was to escape on my own. For months, I monitored the guards' patrol routine, tested for blind spots in the security cameras' visibility, and collected the tools for my escape (spoons from the mess hall, dental floss and a five-horse power Briggs and Stratton engine). Finally, the day came. While all of the guards were playing their morning game of dodge-ball, I executed my plan. First, I slipped through the bars of my cell (security flaw 1: the bars were spaced so far apart that the prisoners were basically on the honor system). I then crawled through an air duct to the prison library (security flaw 2: Never post the prison blueprints on the cell walls to save on wallpaper costs). Finally, using a lock pick set I ordered by mail (security flaw 3: This one is obvious), I unlocked the front door, sprinted to my rental car, which I owed a LOT of money on, and drove to freedom. The story was hushed up in the press because the warden was a drinking chum of the Prime Minister and he didn't want it to get out that the security was so lax. At least I got an amazing story out of my adventure. Here are a few pictures of my trip to “The Rock.”

9-30-2008 So this is how Michael Phelps feels

2008-10-02T16:54:00.002-04:00

Tonight Mr. and Mrs. S and their table mates participated in a ship-wide battle of wits called simply enough “The Quest.” I was asked to join in as gnomes are well- known not only for their razor-sharp mind but also for our phenomenal upper body strength. In fact, if it wasn't for the 1932 pixie stick doping scandal, which resulted in a lifetime ban, gnomes would still be the world champions at the clean and jerk. The events were grueling—-synchronized skipping, interpretive teapot dancing, high-speed trouser exchange--and many teams did not survive to the end. When the smoke cleared, our scrappy band of caterwaulers stood victorious. I have never known such a sense of accomplishment! Here I am, accepting my gold medal from the cruise director.

9-28-08 Lazy day at sea

2008-09-29T15:59:00.006-04:00

Today we were cruising the Inside Passage so we had a relaxing day at sea. After my little indiscretion yesterday, I could use a little down time. I spent most of the day sitting out on the balcony reading a book on the history of the kaleidescope and its use in the Spanish Inquisition. The scenery was beautiful and the sun was shining all day. I even got to try out my new sunglasses! I hope you enjoy some pictures of the scenery.

9-27-08 My little indiscretion

2008-09-29T15:53:00.005-04:00

I am very embarrassed. I have done something that I swore I would never do as a travel companion. I was feeling a little lonely the other day in Ketchikan and I found myself in the old red light district. I'm not proud of what I'm about to say but I must come clean...I paid to get some. That's right, I had a moment of weakness and I paid to have pictures of myself taken. I have never felt so low. I couldn't even stand to look at myself.

I stumbled into the closest bar (that also had on ESPN so I could watch college football) and had myself a beer. By the time I got back to the ship, I was more inebriated than I was during the 1982 National Pot Roast Bake-off.

Mr. and Mrs. S found me passed out on their bed with my face planted in their plate of complimentary sweets. It will take me a long time to live this one down.

9-27-08 And the number one threat to America: Bears

2008-09-29T15:49:00.003-04:00

My dear readers, I have a question. Why do Americans fear bears? Before coming to Alaska, I did some research into the local wildlife. Many of the stories I read cautioned about the bears and not to approach them. I found this shocking! In Gnomistan, bears are very friendly and helpful creatures. Many of my fellow countrymen even had bears as pets! The bears were very loyal companions and even helped protect their homesteads. You would be surprised how many gnomes have been saved from marauding gangs of hoodlum trolls looking to start a fight. They still can't get over the Gnomistani victory over Trollbekistan in the 1967 World Cup of Juggling. Anyhow, to prove that bears are not to be feared, here are a few pictures I've taken over the past week with my furry friends.

9-25-08 I have friends everywhere

2008-09-26T21:19:00.002-04:00

After our glacier adventure, we all needed a rest. So we went to the world famous Red Dog Saloon. Now this is my kind of bar...sawdust for a floor, great beer, a rowdy crowd. Oh yes, back in Gnomistan, I was known to be a party gnome. Many a night I would stumble home after a long night of “caterwauling” with my chums. After having a relaxing time, our waiter noticed Mr. and Mrs. S were Penn Staters. He, too, had attended that prestigious university and was currently on sabbatical in Alaska. What a small world!

9-25-2008 Seriously, you want me to fly in what!

2008-09-26T21:10:00.005-04:00

As a special surprise for me, Mr. and Mrs. S treated me to a trip to the Mendenhall Glacier. I was thrilled! After seeing Hubbard Glacier from a distance, I couldn't wait to stroll across the icy surface. At 1 pm we boarded a bus to leave on our adventure. Now in my mind I believed we were DRIVING to the glacier. Oh no, they had booked me on a HELICOPTER ride to the glacier. I didn't want any part of this! Gnomes and helicopters do not mix. I do not want to get into all the gory details as to why gnomes fear helicopters but let's just say it all stems from the time the world's largest gnome tried to fly in the world's smallest helicopter. A very sad day indeed. Mrs. S said she would hold my hand during the flight as this was her first time in a helicopter as well. How could I chicken out when she was being so brave!

All I can say is that it was so very worth it! The view from the helicopter, once Mrs. S convinced me to open my eyes, was breathtaking. Once we landed, we were taken around the glacier by two very knowledgeable guides. Here's a picture of me with the very helpful chap named Marmot. I hope I made a good impression on him and his fellow guidesman. On their advice, I tried a sip of the glacial water. It tasted just like the water from the Giant Ice Cube Glacier in Gnomistan. The gnome who first discovered it was not the most creative gnome who ever lived.

Overall, I had a wonderful time but boy, was I glad to be back on solid ground—and I sealed my return with a kiss.

As I have said, words cannot describe the full beauty of this area. Thankfully, Mr. S took lots of pictures. I hope you enjoy them. (P.S. I've secretly added in a picture of the happy couple. Don't tell them.)

9-24-2008 They have officially thought of everything!

2008-09-25T02:40:00.003-04:00

I must give a tip of my hat to the ingenuity of the Alaskan people. After millions of years of evolution, these hearty people have come up with the ultimate invention: the outdoor gazebo toilet. It combines two of my favorite things, beautiful scenic views and indoor plumbing. Now, where is that toilet paper?

9-24-2008 Northern Exposure

2008-09-25T02:37:00.002-04:00

When I opened my eyes this morning, and shook off the cobwebs of the previous night, (note to readers, if someone asks you to do an “Irish Car-bomb” with them, pass) I was in awe of the view from my cabin window. What a change from the Hubbard Glacier! We docked in Skagway, Alaska, early in the morning while the S's and I were still sleeping. The views are spectacular! We are surrounded by magnificent white-capped mountains on all sides and the brilliant blue sky reminded me of my homeland. Ours was the only cruise ship in the harbor so the crowds were minimal. I was thrilled when I found out that Mrs. S had booked us passage on the White Pass Railroad to sightsee up the slope of one of the mountains. I have never seen a more picturesque sight. It was even more beautiful than the golden fire caves of my homeland. I never thought that was possible. I had fun introducing myself to the local wildlife including a quite stoic black bear. And, I was very surprised to see this sign pointing to my homeland...even though they did spell it incorrectly.

9-23-2008 Baby, it's cold outside

2008-09-23T21:46:00.003-04:00

This morning we awoke early as we approached our next stop, Hubbard Glacier. I have never seen a glacier in person, so this was going to be a very exciting day. I would like to teach you a few things I have learned about glaciers today.

Glaciers are massive sheets of ice that have slowly shaped the landscape of Alaska for tens of thousands of years.
Glaciers are cold. I mean really, really cold. A gnome could freeze stiff in seconds cold.

Armed with that knowledge, I donned the beautiful hat and scarf Mr. S's mother bought for me. I cannot tell her enough how much that gift helped me this morning. The glacier was absolutely magnificent! The ship was able to approach to within several hundred meters of the face, close enough to watch large sections of the surface break off and crash into the water. It took my breath away...as did the cold. Have I mentioned the cold? Mr. S told me it wasn't that cold outside but I think he was just trying to look macho in front of his wife. We spent several hours in close proximity to the glacier and the captain even spun the ship 360 degrees so that everyone had a great view. As we sailed away Mr. and Mrs. S treated themselves, and me, to what they called “adult hot chocolate.” I'm not sure what was in it, but it sure did warm my belly.

9-22-2008 Flying gnome snatchers

2008-09-23T21:40:00.005-04:00

Today was our first port of call on our adventure, the beautiful town of Sitka, Alaska. This quaint little fishing village reminded me of the my youth working as a net repair gnome in a small sea monkey fishing town. Although the weather was a bit overcast, it did not hinder the beauty of the Sitka National Forest. Mr. and Mrs. S and I walked for hours along the shore of the bay watching the seagulls and salmon in their natural habitat. I thought I was in heaven.

Following our nature walk, we proceeded to a raptor rehabilitation center. My kind readers, the word “raptor” means something different in my Gnomistani dialect. To us, raptor refers to “a small harmless bird with fluffy feathers that loves to be held and can play checkers at the grandmaster level.” When I walked into the building this is what I was greeted with:

I have never been more scared in my life! In fact, I was frozen like stone in the doorway. These birds are responsible for more gnome disappearances in my country than the Gnomistani mafia. Amazingly, Mr. and Mrs. S were not frightened by these flying gnome snatchers of death, in fact they enjoyed seeing them up close. We spent about an hour wandering the facility, watching the birds and listening to presentations of the work they do at the facility. I will admit, I do admire the work they do there in rehabilitating injured birds and releasing them into the wild. They even bring them to schools all over the country to teach children about the animals. While I don't see the administrators of Gnomistani Department of Education allowing them to come to our country, I will present it to them when I get back. I can honestly say that I am now a smidgen less frightened of the birds.

Here are a few of the sights we saw on our journey.

9-20-08 What is caterwauling?

2008-09-23T21:39:00.004-04:00

I have been accused of many things during my lifetime: breathing too loudly in public, not washing behind my ears, being a paid mercenary for the department of redundancy department but tonight at dinner I was accused of the unthinkable...caterwauling. The problem is, I don't know what that means!
Mr. and Mrs. S were seated with two other lovely young couples. Apparently our youth exuberance was too much for the fuddy-duddies (yes, I just used that word) seated at the table next to ours. They gave us dirty looks all night and at the end of dinner pointed and, rather loudly, complained to the waiter about our excessive caterwauling. They even demanded to be moved! Now none of us at the table had any idea what caterwauling meant. The best we could come up with was that caterwauling was the sound produced by cats as you built walls around them. I can assure my fellow readers that we did NOT do that this night. In fact, no walls were built around any felines in the entire dining room. Perhaps my enlightened readers can leave a comment as to the “proper” meaning of the word.

9-21-2008 Et tu Steely-eye?

2008-09-23T21:39:00.003-04:00

I have been hiding something from Mr. and Mrs. S for a while now and I needed to get it off my chest. Several weeks ago, I discovered something about my fellow countrymen Steely-eye and I hid it from Mr. and Mrs. S to keep them from getting upset and causing an incident. Steely-eye, who normally is a very upstanding Gnomistani citizen, hatched an idea to secretly trade places with me on my Alaskan odyssey. I don't want to reveal the source of my information as it could put them in grave danger. He planned to sneak up to me one night, drug me, steal my clothes, and bound and hide me in the basement until the trip was over. Thankfully, the plot never materialized beyond the planning stages. Even if he had been successful in switching places with me, I doubt that Mr. and Mrs. S would have been fooled...our accents are totally different!

9-20-2008 Serenade of the Seas

2008-09-23T21:36:00.003-04:00

It has been several months in coming but today, we stepped aboard the Serenade of the Seas to begin our Alaska adventure. To my surprise the cabin was adorned in the most beautiful white and blue decorations! There was even a beautifully wrapped gift on the bed. I was overwhelmed that Mr. and Mrs. S would not only know about but recognize Gnomistani Arbor Day! They even had the decorations colored to reflect the two national trees of Gnomistan: the white oak and the screaming blue turnip tree. If you are not familiar with Gnomistani history (a safe bet with the current state of your public education system), the white oak tree symbolizes the purity and the strength of Gnomistani people while the screaming blue turnip tree represents our love of loud blue turnips. Sadly, my initial joyousness was crushed when I read that the decorations were from Mrs. S's parents and the wine truffles were from Mr. S's parents all in recognition of Mr. and Mrs. S's five year anniversary of marriage. I couldn't be upset for too long as the celebration of love between two people is admired most of all among my people. But still...I would have liked a gift. Maybe the ship will serve screaming blue turnips with dinner.

9-19-08 Ummmm, I have to do what!

2008-09-20T14:22:00.003-04:00

I must have been in denial thinking about Denali. It never dawned on me that I would have to FLY to get on the Alaska cruise. I DO NOT fly. Mr. and Mrs. S were very surprised by this. They always thought I had flown here from Gnomistan. On the contrary, I took a boat with 35 of my fellow countrymen (and eight trolls from Trollbekistan, they were annoying). I remember our journey like it was yesterday....sailing across the sea for 12 days until we arrived at Ellis Island. Unfortunately, we then discovered that Ellis Island was now a tourist destination and not a immigration terminal and hadn't been for many years. Damn these outdated maps. The captain found that the port of Bayonne, New Jersey close by and we proceeded to dock there. The captain, upon seeing the Bayonne landscape, attempted to try to turn the ship back to Gnomistan! He said, and I quote “Arrrgh, if this is what the new world looks like, I'm going back to the old world.” Thankfully we convinced him that the rest of America really did look like the brochure and he allowed us to disembark.

Mr. and Mrs. S were confident that I would be able to handle the airplane ride, so we all headed off for the airport. While they were checking their bags (why do two people need 7 bags! I only need my backpack!), I headed off to the airport bar to try to loosen up before the flight. They must make those airport drinks strong because the next thing, I knew I was at thirty thousand feet over Canada. The view was breathtaking! I can't wait to fly again! Note to Mrs. S's mom: If I can do it, so can you! Together we can make it to the Oasis.

P.S. Mrs. S asked me to point out that she was not only carry most of my gear, but she was also lugging me in her carryon. Perhaps, I was a bit harsh in my statement about too many bags. It is a 2-week cruise, after all.

9-18-08 It's time for another adventure

2008-09-20T14:17:00.003-04:00

All of my hard work in the kitchen has paid off. Mr. and Mrs. S said I have exceeded their renovation goals so I can come with them on their trip to Alaska! I was very worried for a while. After my little “I'm a pretty Gnome” incident, I didn't think they wanted me to come with them. Not only are they excited to have me with them but they also had a surprise for me...a new backpack! Very stylish. And, it is the perfect size for my business cards.

9-13-08 Gomer, reporting in

2008-09-20T14:10:00.003-04:00

This weekend was Landon's first birthday and Mr. and Mrs. S were driving up to his house for the celebration. Why was I not asked to join them you might ask? Well, I got into a bit of hot water with the S's over my unapproved kitchen design changes. I'm sorry, but in this day and age I think there SHOULD be a gnome-sized cappuccino machine at floor level. Mr. S wasn't too happy about tripping over it in the morning and made me stay home this weekend to undo my changes. I asked Gomer, my gnome cousin to report in as a guest writer. Enjoy.

“Hello, Nittany! Thank you ever so much for allowing me to write this report. I only hope I can live up to the quality reporting that your loyal fan base expects. You would surprised at how much Landon has grown! I know it has only been a month since you have seen him but, my, how he has changed. He's now walking very well and can speak several new words! Granted many of them sound the same the same but to the keen ears of the gnome, they all are very distinct. I, myself, was asked to help stand watch over Landon's gift table. I was joined by another gnome who looks very similar to your friend Steely-eye. He didn't say much, and I never got his name, but he was an amazing guard gnome. He never moved a muscle and he kept his eyes on the gifts at all time. He reminded me of the guards outside Gnomingham palace in Gnomistan. Anyway, here are a few photos of the celebration.”

9-9-08 A word of caution...

2008-09-09T20:58:00.005-04:00

As I said previously, I have never worked with PVC pipe before. Being a master plumber (local 1201), I thought I could figure out how to install the pipe without reading the directions on the glue. Damn my gnomish sense of pride! I started to apply the primer and glue to some fittings, when the room began to spin. I began to see images of my homeland...the grain fields of the northland, the beautiful beaches on the eastern shore, the sulfur fire caves of the west side. Then I started seeing visions of purple elephants dancing to Pink Floyd's “Dark Side of the Moon” and a cute gnome girl I dated in high school throwing balls of mud at me as I ran naked on the cricket field. It made no sense! Suddenly I felt a slap to my face, snapping me out of my daze. Mr. S found me wandering the house with a piece of pipe on my head screaming “I'm a pretty gnome!” I was very embarrassed.

Word to the wise....always work in a well ventilated area when you are working with PVC glue.

9-9-08 Water go down the hole

2008-09-09T20:54:00.005-04:00

It takes a lot to surprise me. Mr. S asked me to help him install the new plumbing in the kitchen. Now I am a master plumber back in Gnomistan (local 1201) but I have never worked with such space age technology! PVC pipe, PEX tubing...it blows my gnomish mind! Back in Gnomistan we never used such fantastic technology. Back at home, for water pipes we used the hollowed out femurs of the ferocious Jar-Gin beast (roughly equivalent to a large chipmunk). Many plumbers would lose their lives just connecting a simple water fountain. I must take this magic back to Gnomistan as soon as possible...our union ranks are thinning rapidly!

Gnomes everywhere, beware!

2008-09-05T14:58:00.004-04:00

Although I am still basking in the glow of Mr. Buffett and his musical extravaganza, I received some disturbing news today. Mr. S's sister is in Italy and there is gnome chaos going on in Europe. The Garden Gnome Liberation Front (GGLF) is accused of this travesty!

Good thing Mr. & Mrs. S have a security system at our house or I might need to join the gnome protection program! I know my cousin Vito has had some trouble with the law...I just hope he is not involved.

Must warn the others…
http://www.newser.com/story/29870/french-gnab-gnome-bandit.html

Blame it on Buffett

2008-09-02T21:17:00.013-04:00

Mr. and Mrs. S had a very nice surprise for me this weekend. In honor of Labor Day and all of the hard work I have done on the kitchen, they invited me to join them at a celebration honoring a Mr. Jimmy Buffett. I had heard of this legendary man while I was in Gnomistan but I honestly thought all of the stories were exaggerations. Honestly, who would believe the stories that one man could command tens of thousands of followers to dress in grass skirts and coconut bras and dance like Carmen Miranda all night? To make the celebration even more memorable Mr. and Mrs. S's family came down to join us. I felt truly honored that they would include me in this festival.

The crowd at the festival was most amazing! I have come to realize that the stories we heard in Gnomistan were grossly understated. The only event I have ever seen that ever came close to this festive atmosphere was the 1994 Gnomistani bicentennial. Now that was a party! In fact, as of the last time I called home it was still going strong!

Mrs. S organized a scavenger hunt to introduce myself and the rest of the family to our fellow Parrotheads. Here are some memorable images from our adventure.

The Lost Shakers of Salt

Thank God the Tiki Bar is Open

Volcano!

My new "friend"!

A picture of me and Mr. Jimmy!

License to Chill!

The official blender of Margaritaville!

These chaps are called "Parrotheads"!

Double blender action

Jimmy gets my vote!

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Dancing the day a way with my new friend Chickee

A coconut bra and grass skirt...but I think they look better on the ladies.

And most important, my fellow concert-goers

8-25-08 Defending thy honor

2008-08-25T21:39:00.006-04:00

Oh my, I have received several responses now suggesting that Mr. & Mrs. S consumed the vast amount of beer evidenced in my recent post. This won't do. I simply must clear their good names. Check out the close up of the beer can. As you'll see, it's very, very old. The opening device is quite primitive. And the logo looks to be from last century. Why, I doubt that Mr. & Mrs. S were much older than wee babes when those cans were made and consumed.

8-23-08 Gone, baby, gone

2008-08-23T21:36:00.002-04:00

The kitchen is so much bigger now without the cabinets...and the sink...and the dishwasher...and the stove. My, oh my, so much open space!

8-21-08 Let There Be Light

2008-08-21T21:28:00.002-04:00

Today Mrs. S allowed me to be the foregnome of the window crew. Although she had some difficulties understanding the workers, I was able to save the day. As a traveling gnome, I am proficient in many languages. With me acting as an interpreter, the crew successfully installed three new windows.

8-20-08 Oh, the Gnomanity!

2008-08-20T23:55:00.002-04:00

Beware, fellow gnomes! I was quite appalled to read this shocking story from a town near where Mrs. S grew up.

The incident alone is tragic enough but notice that the article, typical of media here in the States, gives no mention of the condition of the poor gnome. Will the violence never stop?

[h/t Kim for sharing this article.]

8-19-08 Can't make this stuff up

2008-08-20T23:11:00.009-04:00

After another grueling evening of work, I had just about finished the kitchen demolition.

Imagine my surprise when I removed the sink and found this:

Somebody must have had quite the party when they were building the kitchen!

8-16-08 Steely-Eyed Gnomanski

2008-08-17T22:08:00.003-04:00

To thank Mr. and Mrs. S for their hospitality this weekend, Mrs. S's brother and sister-in-law presented them with a new addition to the family. Steely-Eyed Gnomanski is yet another cousin of mine from the homeland. “Steely-eyed” (which is his actual name, I have seen his drivers license) hails from the steel belt of central Gnomanistan. The region is known for the convergence of Gnomistan's three main rivers and its fanatical devotion to the local sports teams. Welcome, S.E.! I look forward to getting to know another of my fellow countrymen.

8-16-08 The gang goes to the zoo

2008-08-17T22:07:00.002-04:00

Mrs. S's brother and sister-in-law had never been to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. before, so we decided to take a field trip. For Landon, this was the first time he had ever seen exotic wild animals outside of a Dr. Seuss book. I, myself, was very excited about this trip as I had heard that the zoo had recently been given a pair for endangered Gnomistani screaming prairie dogs as a goodwill gift. These animals are very rare and truly a delight to see. It is said that if they scream at just the right pitch, you will think you hear angels singing in heaven...just before you tiny eardrums burst.

Alas, it was not to be. When we arrived at the zoo, there was a sign saying that gnomes were banned due to a recent incident with a gnome and a badger. Undeterred, I hid myself in Landon's stroller and we headed inside. I decided that I would be the designated camera gnome for the day in order to not attract too much attention to myself. So I don't get to see the Gnomistani screaming prairie dogs but here are some of the pictures I snapped.

8-15-08 And who might you be?

2008-08-17T22:05:00.004-04:00

Thursday night I decided to turn in early after working all day to clean up the mess I had made in the kitchen. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning to find not only were there strange people in the house but they had a baby with them. Now I know why Mrs. S wanted me to clean up so thoroughly. It is not well known but aside from our love of travel and demolition skills, gnomes also make excellent babysitters. In fact, the story of Mary Poppins was loosely based on a gnome named Berry Hobbins from the southern coast of Gnomistan. Readers, I present to you Landon, the nephew of Mr. & Mrs. S.

With a baby in the house, I immediately placed all demolition activities on hold. I briefly considered enlisting Landon's help with the project but Mr. S reminded me of the strict child labor laws here in the States.

I was amazed at how smart and well-behaved Landon acted. The other children I have seen on my travels have seemed rude and immature while Landon was a model of sophistication. Could it be I was mistaken about children from this country? Alas, the answer to the riddle was revealed to me...Landon has had the benefit a Gnomish presence guiding him through his development. A handsome fellow countryman named Gomer, who bears a striking resemblance to myself, has been by his side for most of his young life. Now I know why Landon is such a delightful—and cuddly—child! A gnome has helped to mold his sunny disposition.

8-10-08 I am not refuse!

2008-08-10T23:41:00.003-04:00

I may be the same size as the chunks of drywall but I am NOT debris! Mr. S 'accidentally' swept me into the garbage can. Thankfully Mrs. S was there to rescue me!

8-10-08 The demolition continues

2008-08-10T23:38:00.002-04:00

I was given the blessing today to continue my path of destruction. You would be amazed at how much damage one gnome on a mission can do! The laundry room, side wall, and half of the back wall have been reduced to nothing more than gnome-sized chunks of debris. I did discover a new hiding place, if only I didn't have to destroy it. I found that the soffit is the perfect size for a gnome. I took a break up here until Mr. S found me and told me to get back to work. He can really be a gnome driver.